Hi! I'm submitting my homework for Lesson 5, a self-coaching model I did on movement. I know I need feedback to improve my skills (thank you Confidence Bootcamp podcast episode!).

C: Movement
TD: I didn't move yesterday, and I should have. I'm gaining weight. People who noticed that I had lost weight will judge me. I should make sure to move today. I have to choose the right activity. Dancing isn't enough movement.

T: I didn't move yesterday, and I should have.
E: Guilt
A's: Ruminated on how my plans were not implemented/felt uncomfortable in my clothes / made a commitment to move today.
R: I devalued my authority and put pressure on today.

T: I'm gaining weight.
E: Shame, frustration, anxiety
A's: Pulled on clothes / spent extra time selecting clothes / analyzed how much I'm working out.
R: Judged myself.

T: I have to choose the right activity.
E: Stressed
A's: Did not commit to any activity / ruminated about my choices / judged my number of memberships / re-evaluated activities over and over.
R: I didn't move my body or get the joy out of movement.

ANSWER

Hi there!

I'm glad you showed up for coaching! Great awareness. This shows that you're working the process. Let's unpack the models that you've shared. I have organized the models to walk you through the process.

Your circumstance is movement - neutral and specific. That's a great start.

Your TD is almost complete in showing you all the thoughts you have about movement.

Next, we're going to look at each T individually and see what they're creating in your life. Putting them individually helps you be specific about what thought is creating what feeling that leads to the actions that create your results.

In your first model, you have two thoughts merged into one, so separate them – I didn't move yesterday. I should have moved yesterday will create different feelings and lead to different actions and results.
Once you're clear on the thoughts, you will have a clear picture of your Es and As.

For example, you have the action of "felt uncomfortable in my clothes." Uncomfortable would go in your E line. Explore that again and see which thought created that feeling.

The R, "I devalued my authority and put pressure on today" is broad. Get specific. What does that mean and look like for you? The more specific you are, the clearer you'll understand which thought created what result. And remember that your result always proves your T line true.

Second model:
T: "I'm gaining weight" is clear and specific. Separate out your E and model them out.
T1:
E: shame
A:
R:
T2: frustration
E:
A:
R:
T3: anxiety
E:
A:
R:

Third model:
T: "I have to choose the right activity." This model is great. Revisit your R line – if you didn't move your body, how would you know that you didn't "get the joy out of movement"? The R of "not get the joy out of movement" may belong in another model. Once you clean up the rest, you'll find which thought created that result.

You're off to a great start. Feel free to share your revised models for coaching.

I am wondering how this can fit into helping someone who wants to undiet their life and is ready to stop the diet cycle: how do you manage this when the person is morbidly obese and needs a back surgery that the surgeon stated cannot be done until weight loss? The doctor recommended bariatric surgery.

She doesn’t want the surgery but is in constant pain.

I feel like letting go of diet culture and slowly embracing gentle nutrition and movement will have the effect of healthier life and likely weight loss as a by-product. But feels at odds with undieting. And is this a harmful step for her?

How do you work through this type of situation?

ANSWER

This is a great question. Are you ready? Let's do this.

There's a lot to unpack here.

I want you to know that it is normal to think that weight loss surgery is the solution, given the fatphobic society that we live in. However, that doesn't make things true.

Let's explore the root of the term "morbid obesity." This term was coined in 1963 to justify asking for reimbursement for the cost of bypass surgery from health insurance providers. As a result, we see this occurring quite often where doctors are required to prove to hospital administrators and insurance providers that they have discussed their patients' weight with them and have a plan to bring it down. Otherwise, this impacts their performance reviews or being denied reimbursement if they refer other patients for specialized care. Weight stigma and fatphobia in the medical space are pervasive, and weight loss has become the band-aid solution to everything. The doctor has not taken into account all the factors that may impact your friend's health.

There is yet to be any research that confirms that intentional weight loss for health reasons is sustainable in the long term. Rather, evidence shows that what promotes health is a focus on health-promoting behaviors, including intuitive eating, body acceptance, and joyful movement. This is an opportunity to see this experience from an empowered perspective. What could that look like?

First, it's about learning how to advocate for oneself. Can she get curious about the rationale for the surgery and explore possible fatphobia and internalized weight stigma. If the surgery is to help her lose weight so that the back pain goes away, why does she need to lose weight to get the surgery? Are there other health-promoting behaviours she could engage in to help her feel better in her body? Has she considered possible complications that may arise from the surgery? Would the doctor recommend surgery for back pain if she were in a thinner, conforming body?

What are the thoughts that she has about her body, back and the pain? Is there a deeper desire that she's hoping the surgery will give her? Our thoughts drive how we feel and act about every circumstance, so I would recommend exploring the thoughts about body, back and pain.

For those wondering about this, here are two models that could lead to very different results. I recommend exploring those models, then submitting any follow-up questions to coach corner.

-Circumstance 1: Back pain
-T: I'm morbidly obese and need to lose weight
-Circumstance 2: Back pain
-T: People of all sizes experience back pain

We'd love to see your models if you need help navigating this issue too.

I'm reaching out because I am almost at the point to give up on the program. Now, I eat everything I want to eat and I don't restrict my food anymore or don't feel guilty about it anymore.

However, I know I am still overeating a lot which worries me. I had the expectation that at some point, I will be able to eat when hungry and stop when full.

C: C&T program
T: Doing this for 2 months now, seeing results that I am the heaviest I've been in 10 years
T: This program is full of ready-made T like "your weight has no impact on your health" or "this is because of patriarchy and diet culture"
T: I allow myself to eat everything I want but I still overeat at almost every meal.
T: Again another thing, I had so many expectations
T: All the coaching is about always the same model.
F: Disappointed
A: Want to give up. Listening to audio but not into it. Lost in what to do next and what to practice. Don't want to do the work and invest my time, eat everything I want.
R: I create the reality that this will not work for me

ANSWER

Hello!

First, I want to start by saying that "What is happening to you right now, It's 100% normal. The process of reacquainting yourself with your intuitive eater is not easy for most women.

Then, I want you to smile and tell yourself nothing has gone wrong!

Since your brain is not liking to be coached using the self-coaching model, I will offer you long-form in a few areas:

Why are you doing this?

The goal of unlearning diet culture is to claim back our power over our own bodies. We start with food using the process of intuitive eating using our eating cues.

You were born an intuitive eater up to the day where you started your first diet… Then the process of dieting robbed you from this beautiful connection of trust and respect with your body.

Are you willing to take the bodyweight off the table and make this an experience about trusting and respecting your body?

Are you willing to work on developing a relationship with your body of unconditional support and partnership?

When you say you had “expectations”, truly these are expectations for your body. And “once more” it may sound like you think your body has failed you because it didn’t stabilize in 2 months.

What if with every program the issue was never your body but your expectations towards your body?

Here’s the big question:

What if you had no expectations towards your body but only acceptance, trust, and respect? What would happen then?

Private Podcast #19 HEALING IS NOT LINEAR & #39 DOING HARD THINGS will help you with this.

Worries about overeating

You say you are worried about overeating…
What exactly are you worried about? Name it.

The model you have provided has one potential answer:
Fear of Current Body Weight

The internalized fear of fatness is rearing "its ugly nose” and as a consequence, you are not trusting your body.

I suggest, work on body acceptance as a way to stop worrying about overeating and slowing down the pendulum swing. (go back and watch Lesson 4 where we teach about the pendulum swing)

With patience, this thought, “I had the expectation that at some point, I will be able to eat when hungry and stop when full.“ will become reality BUT not in the space of wanting to control your body.

You and your body will naturally want to eat when hungry and eat to fullness not because you have to but because you want to. Your body will have the trust in you that never again will you restrict food and whenever it needs food, you will provide it; so no need to “overeat”.

We have a great podcast on this process of change.

Private podcast #13 THE PROCESS OF CHANGE.

It will help you tremendously.

Next steps

Remember nothing has gone wrong… everything is going exactly as it should. Your body is working to trust you and you need to continue to work on trusting your body. I think what is really holding you back is the internalized fear of fatness (internalized fatphobia).

That’s the part where you need to work on. The only way to work on accepting your body is by examining your thoughts and changing them.

We recently hosted a clinic on “Normalizing Weight Gain” you may want to watch it and work thru the exercises it will help you process body acceptance faster.

Private podcast #24 “NEVER LOSING WEIGHT AGAIN? & NAVIGATING DIET CULTURE WITH MY FAMILY” and #23 FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE IN MY BODY may also help you.

I would also highly suggest that you register for live coaching with Stephanie so she can work this LIVE with you.

You can do this, my sister! You can do hard things and create the relationship of peace with food and liberation with your body that you deserve. We are right here behind you cheering you up! We are holding the possibility. There’s no other possibility, I mean going back on a diet? Nahhh because you know that doesn’t work.

Go out and try this and report back! We will be right here for you.

I've been practicing connecting with my body to feel when I'm hungry and full.

No problem is for the hungry part. I let myself eat when I want and connect to the satisfaction of eating everything without restricting myself.
I'm experiencing resistance trying to practice feeling my fullness. I'm trying to stop in the middle of the meal to check my fullness level but often notice that I don't even want to stop because I am afraid that I will notice I'm full and will have to stop eating.

My brain is like: I do what I want. We said no rule, so you do what you want.

C: take a break during meals
T: I'm full, but I don't want to follow another rule that tells me what to do.
F: rebel, resistance
A: continue eating. Keep thinking I'll do better next time.
R: stuck

C: eating passed fullness
T: I need to learn how to do that. It is not good for my body to overeat. I will keep gaining weight.
F: sad, defeated
A: more emotional eating
R: still stuck

I also tried to make smaller steps like: I will only take a break to check my fullness level. I can continue eating if I want to. I'm just practicing connecting to my body. It helped because I can now see when I'm full but it brings guilt to continue eating when my brain knows I am full.

Not sure how to go to the next baby step for me.
Thanks

ANSWER

Hello sister! Ok, this is a really good question… Let's do this. I'm going to coach you first on the fullness question and then give you pointers on self-coaching.

I see that you are in Confident, yet you know about intuitive eating. So this tells me you've learned intuitive eating before coming to us. Know that we address what you struggle with in more depth in PEACEFUL.

Is it possible that your past teacher led you to believe that intuitive eating is a guideline of Eat when hungry, Stop when full? Based on your models, it seems like you have a rule that one must stop when full. This is not intuitive eating. Although intuitive eating teaches you to reconnect with your fullness signals, it cannot be turned into a rule. When you do so, rebellious behaviour will ensue guaranteed. Looks like that's what's happening to you.

So this is what you have to work on …. 1- figuring out why you made this into a rule and then letting go of the rule "One must stop eating when full."

Let me guide you using self-coaching.

What you are experiencing-struggle with fullness is very common and easily explains using self-coaching. I actually can see why you are struggling with it when I look at your second model. The T's you have about fullness mainly "I will keep gaining weight" is what is causing the rebellious behaviour of "I do what I want. We said no rule, so you do what you want."

Until you change your belief around what it means for you to feel full, you'll create rebellious behaviours (pendulum swinging).

So the next baby step is not to focus more on fullness but instead to clean up your mind from all the thoughts that are creating the rebellious behaviours.

The fear of weight gain and what weight gain means are the top reasons people struggle with fullness. I suggest you explore what does gaining weight means for you. A source of inspiration might be our latest public podcast #276 and also on your private podcast feed for Conquer and Thrive podcast #12, where Stephanie answered a question on weight gain and podcast #18 I can't stop eating.

C: Weight gain

Now, let's give you some coaching on self-coaching so you can maximize the tool.

Both of your C are great. Short to the point and neutral.

The thought download is present, but given the nature of this topic for you, I believe you need to dig deeper and create a broader TD. You may need to pause after your first draft and come back to it the next day and pull more T out from your mind to really see what's holding you back.

Next, the F line: You have two emotions… it's really important to work each T into its own model so you can identify which T create which F. This will also be essential to see all of your A's. Right now both models need more depth in the A line… I would suggest you use the pointers inside the Confident Lesson 2 Worksheet. These short questions to ask yourself as you do your model really help the depth of your models.

The R line of your model isn't accurate as you have more than 1 T in your T line. The R you created reflects the T you think… Here's what your models couldn't look like (I use my experience with weight gain to fill in the blank)

C: eating passed fullness
T: I will keep gaining weight.
F: ________, fear
A: _____, I overthink if I ate too much, I question my fullness cue, I ruminate on my last weight gain experience, I avoid being in the reality by eating more, I numb the anxiety by watching Netflix instead of doing my self-coaching, I overthink how eating past fullness will make me gain weight.
R: I create the reality that I could be gaining more weight.

Hope this helps and we will be happy to help you when you create your models. Submit, and we will be here for you.

Wanting to check this model to see if I am on track? I just did the full model for one of the thoughts from the thought download.

C: Walking on the trail with the dogs
TD: This should be easier for me to do... I am really out of shape.
I should be able to handle this hill without being so out of breath or having to stop.
I am focused on how my body is out of shape on this walk.
I wonder if I will ever be able to find this to be an easy trail.
I don't know how I will be able to handle longer and more difficult hikes.

T: This should be easier for me to do... I am really out of shape.
F: Ashamed, Angry, Exasperated, Frustrated
A: I stick to the easy trails. I don't push myself. I cut my walks short
R: I miss opportunities to hike, and I continue to be out of shape.

ANSWER

Hello!

Great job showing up for coaching, sister! Let's do this!

So first off, for a first model, this is very well done! I'll give a few pointers:

1- C is very good. Neutral, short and factual.
2-TD: Very good… many thoughts. Complete thoughts. No questions. Great.
3- The model:
The T line: you have two distinct thoughts blended as one, which leads you to have more than 1 emotion in your F line. The use of punctuation typically is a sign of multiple T's.
First T: This should be easier for me to do...
Second: I am really out of shape.
4- Your F line should contain only 1 emotion. One T to one F. All the emotions listed currently in your F are probably attached to the other T in your TD.
If you can't figure out how to identify the F to the T: Close your eyes and repeat the T in your mind and do a quick body scan. You'll be able to connect each T to 1 F this way.
5- A line is good. To expend, check in with each one of your bodies when looking for Action: When it goes on in your mind? In your emotional body? etc.…
6-The R line is the most challenging one. The R line proves the T line right. So from there, start with the statement: I create _____ and see how you're creating your T to become a reality.

Overall, awesome comprehension for a beginner! You will rock at this!

Hello coaches! I just finished listening to the "Conquer Emotional Eating" workshop, and it was fantastic. Yet, my brain is still fighting with Stephanie's statement that there is no scientific evidence that obesity leads to heart disease.

I am no doctor, but I've watched my mom emotionally eat for decades, becoming obese (and I am 70 lbs heavier than she was at her heaviest) and going for a stress test, landing 2 days later in the O.R. for a quadruple bypass... Do thin people have heart diseases, too?... of course. But obesity is an accelerating factor in clogging arteries, HBP, Diabetes etc... and my mind runs with it.

How do I reconcile?

ANSWER

Hello!

This is a great question and will require a few angles for us to work thru this. #1 the actual facts of health (science stuff) and #2 Your brain behaviour (mindset and thoughts).

Let's start with #2.

I will assume you have completed CONFIDENT. If not, you should stop all of this thinking and go thru CONFIDENT first.

The first place is to get back in control of your mind. In your words, your "mind runs with it." Who's in charge here? You or your brain (remember to name your brain so you can separate from it)?

I want you to focus on looking at all your thoughts around this topic and see the reality these thoughts are creating for you. It looks like you have an unmanaged mind on this topic, and you are believing all the thoughts that your brain (remember to name your brain so you can separate from it) is giving you.

So let's organize this:

C: Heart Disease
TD:
My mom's emotional eating caused her heart condition (This is not a fact… you didn't receive a document proving this, did you?)
My mom's emotional eating caused her to be obese (again, just a thought… Is there hard evidence to this or just your assumption?)
Obesity is an aceleratated factor in HBP
Obesity causes diabetes
Obesity causes

T: My mom's emotional eating caused her heart condition
F: anxious
A: Overthink about all the reasons why obesity is bad, ruminate about my mom's life, ruminate about my own choices, search for evidence to prove my thoughts right so I can question all my choices right now, search for evidence proving my thoughts right so I stay in this old way of thinking, etc…
R: I convince myself that emotional eating is terrible and caused my mom death.

I'm not going to do all the models for you, but you need to.

It sounds like your brain wants you to stay stuck where you were before you came here. If you believe all these thoughts to be true, then it sounds like the only option is to control your eating once more and go back on a diet. In a way, you are trying to justify yourself your old ways. Is that what you want?

At the end of the day, you have to decide what you want to do with your body. Your body your choice. Have you made a decision yet or are you leaving it to others to decide for you what you will do with your body?

#2. Health and weight.

The first place to start is to do PEACEFUL Lesson 5, where Stephanie breaks down the health, Health at Every Size and a Weight-neutral approach to health. The worksheet that goes along will give you over 50 +ways to take care of your health without needing to lose weight.

PEACEFUL lesson 6 also has many videos addressing various topics you are concerned about within your questions. I would suggest you go and watch Stephanie answering these questions: Here the few that I suggest:

I'm diabetic. How does this impact my journey?
Health conditions and Intuitive eating… now what?
but science says this food is bad?

Understand that we live in a fatphobic society. Weight stigma is very present in medical care, and science has it in any other segment of our society. "Fat is bad" is an assumption in most medical studies, meaning it's not even studied as a non-confounding factor; it's assumed from the start to be problematic. This is why "obesity" is a correlating factor in nearly all research outcomes.

Correlation (association or risk factor) and Causation are vastly different. An example to illustrate this is the sale of sunglasses in the summer. There's a correlation between Ice cream sales and sunglasses sold. As the sales of ice creams is increasing so do the sales of sunglasses. But the increase in sales of ice cream doesn't cause the increase in sales of sunglasses.

It's the same with weight and heart disease. There's a correlation meaning it's present, but there is zero evidence that it's causing it. This is why as many normal-weight folks have heart condition as higher-weight folks (note here the language I use: higher weight versus obesity. This is how one can speak about weight without engaging in fatphobic language).

We have a class coming up in March, Normalizing Weight Gain. Stephanie will be teaching an in-depth segment on weight and health that will help you.

In the meantime, I would suggest you read Stephanie's article on this topic that includes a lot of research. And also the book "Health At Every Size" by Dr. Lindo Bacon. It's a bit sciencey but will help you convince your brain to change its tune. lol!

Hope this helps!

Hi,
My first try at a ladder. Just looking for some feedback if I set it up correctly.

5-My belly is sexy
4-my belly is strong
3-my belly is not flat and that is OK!
2-my belly has some jiggle
1-my belly is big

ANSWER

Hi,

Hello… I will try to help you but given that I do not have your unintentional and intentional model, it will be hard for me. I do not know which emotion you are aiming for or actions. I’ll assume you have built your intentional model on your own:

C: My belly
Intentional thought:
How do I want to feel: - Start here…
What actions will I take when I feel this way:
The result of these actions will be:

At first glance, I would say this needs work. The thought on each ladder is completely different.

The concept of a thought ladder is to take 1 thought (the one you came up with when you did your intentional model) and slowly and gradually train your brain to believe this one thought. Right now you have 6 different thoughts.

5-My belly is sexy
4-my belly is strong
3-my belly is not flat and that is OK!
2-my belly has some jiggle
1-my belly is big

In Confident Lesson 7, we walked you thru step by step how to build your ladder using your 1 intentional thought. We give you an opening phrase to help you.

So let’s imagine that your thought current thought is: My belly is ugly…

Intentional thought: I have a human belly

L5: I’m becoming a confident woman with my human belly
L4: I’m learning to be confident with my human belly
L3: I’m open to believing that I can feel confident with my current human belly
L2: There are other women who have bellies like me and are confident (if confident is the emotion in your intentional model)
L1: It’s possible that my brain is lying to me when it’s telling me that my belly is ugly
Current thought: My belly is ugly

Go and review lesson 7, it will help you!

Hello, I'm giving this another try after reading your last feedback.

C: Thighs touching
TD: legs are fat, I have thunder thighs, I've gained weights
T: I've gained weight
F: anxious, scared, unworthy, depressed
A: hide from the mirror, inner critic starts speaking, push away feelings, numb thoughts so the body is numb
R: hyper-aware of thighs (and body) all day, push feelings down all day, restrict food, overexercise

Intentional model
C: thighs touching
T: my thighs are strong and healthy
F: peaceful, content
A: look in the mirror and feel joy, speak nice things to myself, deep breathing to embrace my feelings
R: connected to feelings all day, eat intuitively, exercise in a joyful way

Feedback, please. Thanks!!!

ANSWER

Hello!

The C is much better… your thighs touching is the actual trigger of the thoughts not looking in the mirror. Great work there!

The A line is also much better much broader so you can see how this unintentional thought impacts your whole life. As you can see a lot of old patterns of actions are being activated with these unintentional thoughts. Great work investigating!

The intentional model is great. The only feedback I would have is the R line.

R: connected to feelings all day, eat intuitively, exercise in a joyful way

These are not results but rather Actions. These connected to feelings all day, eat intuitively, exercise in a joyful way have to move in your A line.

The result is the reality you create by thinking the thought in the T line. The R line is proving the T, right… So the R is not too far from the T.

So an easy way to find the R is by using this sentence:

When I think ___________ (my thighs are strong and healthy) I create the reality _________

You create that you respect your thighs for their strength and health (by moving them, nourishing them, ensuring they are relaxed and not tense, etc…)

This is a great model to begin your body neutrality journey. In the future, you’ll need to bring your fear of fatness to the forefront. Month 3 of Conquer and Thrive - Liberated - The Body Neutrality will help you with this.

Just like every woman, you were raised to believe that women were their body… That a woman’s value was in her beauty and ability to be thin. You see yourself as your body. Your self-worth is “tangled” with your weight… that the core issue and why you get tripped up with your thighs touching.

Hope this helps!

Hi - I am looking for feedback on my self-coaching model with the intentional model. Thanks.

C: getting showered and dressed in the morning
TD: my belly is big, my body is bigger than it used to be, my arms are big, I need to get dressed ASAP to hide my flab
T: My Belly is big
F: shame, unattractive
A: get dressed quickly, avoid the mirror while naked
R: wear clothes that "hug in" the belly, wear clothes that hide the belly

intentional:
T: this strong belly gave me my two boys
F: Proud
A: wear whatever I like regardless of how belly looks
R: inner monologue quiets or even becomes kind

another intentional on the same model
T: this strong belly keeps me healthy
F: grateful
A: don't feel an urgent need to get dressed to hide my body, look in the mirror at my naked body R: relaxing day, able to focus on important things in my life such as my family

ANSWER

Hello…

You are doing well with your self-coaching. Both intentional models are done well, and the structure is good.

A few advanced coaching for you:

In the C really “getting showered and dressed in the am” ? The circumstance is the trigger of the thoughts you are experiencing. Is the problem taking a shower or your belly?

When I read your thoughts, it’s all about your body image, not showering. So to me, the C: My belly exists.

Another point I want you to dig further is the A line… You are posting A’s that have to do with the specific moment of the shower, but I’d like to see you go beyond this. How are your thoughts about your belly affecting you beyond the morning time? What about the rest of the day? Dig deep…

I think once you change your C from being about the shower to C: My Belly exists, you’ll be able to see the full range impact of your body image challenges.

Try this and let us know how you do!