No problem is for the hungry part. I let myself eat when I want and connect to the satisfaction of eating everything without restricting myself.
I’m experiencing resistance trying to practice feeling my fullness. I’m trying to stop in the middle of the meal to check my fullness level but often notice that I don’t even want to stop because I am afraid that I will notice I’m full and will have to stop eating.
My brain is like: I do what I want. We said no rule, so you do what you want.
C: take a break during meals
T: I’m full, but I don’t want to follow another rule that tells me what to do.
F: rebel, resistance
A: continue eating. Keep thinking I’ll do better next time.
R: stuck
C: eating passed fullness
T: I need to learn how to do that. It is not good for my body to overeat. I will keep gaining weight.
F: sad, defeated
A: more emotional eating
R: still stuck
I also tried to make smaller steps like: I will only take a break to check my fullness level. I can continue eating if I want to. I’m just practicing connecting to my body. It helped because I can now see when I’m full but it brings guilt to continue eating when my brain knows I am full.
Not sure how to go to the next baby step for me.
Thanks
ANSWER
Hello sister! Ok, this is a really good question… Let’s do this. I’m going to coach you first on the fullness question and then give you pointers on self-coaching.
I see that you are in Confident, yet you know about intuitive eating. So this tells me you’ve learned intuitive eating before coming to us. Know that we address what you struggle with in more depth in PEACEFUL.
Is it possible that your past teacher led you to believe that intuitive eating is a guideline of Eat when hungry, Stop when full? Based on your models, it seems like you have a rule that one must stop when full. This is not intuitive eating. Although intuitive eating teaches you to reconnect with your fullness signals, it cannot be turned into a rule. When you do so, rebellious behaviour will ensue guaranteed. Looks like that’s what’s happening to you.
So this is what you have to work on …. 1- figuring out why you made this into a rule and then letting go of the rule “One must stop eating when full.”
Let me guide you using self-coaching.
What you are experiencing-struggle with fullness is very common and easily explains using self-coaching. I actually can see why you are struggling with it when I look at your second model. The T’s you have about fullness mainly “I will keep gaining weight” is what is causing the rebellious behaviour of “I do what I want. We said no rule, so you do what you want.”
Until you change your belief around what it means for you to feel full, you’ll create rebellious behaviours (pendulum swinging).
So the next baby step is not to focus more on fullness but instead to clean up your mind from all the thoughts that are creating the rebellious behaviours.
The fear of weight gain and what weight gain means are the top reasons people struggle with fullness. I suggest you explore what does gaining weight means for you. A source of inspiration might be our latest public podcast #276 and also on your private podcast feed for Conquer and Thrive podcast #12, where Stephanie answered a question on weight gain and podcast #18 I can’t stop eating.
C: Weight gain
Now, let’s give you some coaching on self-coaching so you can maximize the tool.
Both of your C are great. Short to the point and neutral.
The thought download is present, but given the nature of this topic for you, I believe you need to dig deeper and create a broader TD. You may need to pause after your first draft and come back to it the next day and pull more T out from your mind to really see what’s holding you back.
Next, the F line: You have two emotions… it’s really important to work each T into its own model so you can identify which T create which F. This will also be essential to see all of your A’s. Right now both models need more depth in the A line… I would suggest you use the pointers inside the Confident Lesson 2 Worksheet. These short questions to ask yourself as you do your model really help the depth of your models.
The R line of your model isn’t accurate as you have more than 1 T in your T line. The R you created reflects the T you think… Here’s what your models couldn’t look like (I use my experience with weight gain to fill in the blank)
C: eating passed fullness
T: I will keep gaining weight.
F: ________, fear
A: _____, I overthink if I ate too much, I question my fullness cue, I ruminate on my last weight gain experience, I avoid being in the reality by eating more, I numb the anxiety by watching Netflix instead of doing my self-coaching, I overthink how eating past fullness will make me gain weight.
R: I create the reality that I could be gaining more weight.
Hope this helps and we will be happy to help you when you create your models. Submit, and we will be here for you.