Coach Corner
Do you need coaching on a particular situation?
Do you have questions understanding The Beyond the Food teachings or Conquer & Thrive materials?
You're in the right place, sister!
- Submit your question using the form below.
- One of the Beyond The Food Coaches will answer your question.
- We want to keep coaching anonymous so please refrain from including your name in submission.
- Questions will be answered within 48 hrs, Monday to Friday.
- You’ll receive an email notification once your question is answered.
This contact form is available only for logged in users.
Pilling up the Lbs.
ANSWER
Hello!
Great courage showing up for coaching.
The first place I want you to acknowledge yourself for is just that: Showing up for coaching on a subject that is very sensitive for you. I bet you’ve had these moments before and never reached out and asked for help… but this time, you did. Well done!
Next, I want you to recognize how normal this reaction to gaining weight is. We have been socialized as women that gaining weight is the most “terrible “ thing that can happen to us. Not only that it’s the most terrible that can happen now that we are also socialized and reminded every day that more “terrible” things will happen to us in the future if we don’t lose the weight… think rejection, judgement, health issues etc… So it’s 100% normal that you are having this reaction to knowing you have gained weight.
The socialization about weight and what it means for you is what you need to change. You need to change the narrartive, aka thoughts you think about your weight.
Your body weight, the number on the scale is neutral… what makes it terrible is your thoughts about it. The good news is that you can change these thoughts… you are a grown-up woman and have the autonomy to think the thoughts you choose about your weight.
Right now, the thoughts you think lead you to have panic attacks, and I bet you you don’t want that?
To change your thoughts, you need to use the self-coaching model. Let me help you with the first few steps.
Currently, this is what is going on in your mind based on your message: (Lesson 4 CONFIDENT)
Circumstance: Body Weight
Thought Download:
I’m heavy
I hate it
I knew I gain weight, and that’s terrible
Pounds are pilling up and up
I don’t want to buy bigger clothes
I can’t find anything nice in larger sizes
Buying clothes that fit means giving up on myself
I hope intuitive eating will help me lose weight
I’m not judging myself
T: Pounds are pilling up and up
F: Anxious
A: panic attacks
R: My body weight feel terrible
Then you would break the main 3-4 thoughts down to see how each one makes you feel, which actions it create, and the result in your life.
T: I hate it
F: _____ (maybe disapointement??)
A: I give up / I overthink about how life was better when I was smaller / ruminate as to why my body is gaining weight / Overthink why this is the worst thing that can happen in my life
R: I prove to myself that I should hate my weight
T: I’m not judging myself
F: frustration
A: Overthink why it’s not a judgement of my body but a fact / ruminate why it’s a fact that gaining weight is terrible
R: I continue to judge my body but I justify it by making it a fact that it’s terrible to gain weight
That’s what self-coaching is about - discovering how we create our reality. Right now, your reality is that gaining weight is terrible. It’s not true. Gaining weight isn’t terrible. What makes it true for you is the thoughts (aka opinion) you have about gaining weight. Can you see that you are in fact, judging yourself, and that’s why you feel terrible?
Body weight is just a number on the scale. Just like your height or the lenght of your hair: They're just numbers… do you judge yourself and your worth into this world because of the length of your nails? (Lesson 4 of CONFIDENT)
You need to neutralize the meaning of weight gain so you can stop feeling terrible and opening the door to peace and freedom. This is the second stage of self-coaching: creating a new way to think about weight that is neutral and not attached to your self-worth. That’s what we call intention thinking. (Lesson 6 of CONFIDENT)
C: Body weight
T: The number on the scale doesn’t mean anything about my worth (this is just an idea… work on finding an intentional thought that will feel good to you.)
F: Calm
A: I stop weighing myself / I peacefully transition to intuitive eating / I listen to my eating cues with compassion / I detach my body weight from my worth / I buy clothes that make me feel comfortable / I ask other women where they buy their clothes / I move my body with joy / I focus on my health beyond my weight / I focus on sleeping better / ….. ( fill in the actions you’d like to create for yourself)
R: I interact with my body with compassion
You may need to use the thought ladder to get you to believe your intentional thought (Lesson 7 of CONFIDENT).
1-It’s possible that my brain is lying to me when I think that gaining weight is a terrible thing
2-There are other women who think that the number on the scale doesn’t mean anything about their worth
3-It’s possible for me in the future to think that the number on the scale doesn’t mean anything about my worth
4- I’m beginning to think that the number on the scale doesn’t mean anything about my worth
5- The number on the scale doesn’t mean anything about my worth
This is it… This is how you self-coach yourself how to get out of this terrible place you are in right now because you gain weight.
I would also recommend you listen to the private podcast 10 where Stephanie teaches about resistance and podcast #12 where she explained the process of gaining weight. One last one… podcast #13 The process of change.
So digest this and come back to us and see how you are doing!
Help with a thought ladder
Thanks!
ANSWER
Hello and great work showing up for coaching. Let’s create this thought ladder…
The first place we need to start is to determine how you create the reality (R) of “not being totally capable in my job”.
Based on what you shared, this is what your unintentional model looks like:
C: My job
TD:
I’m not totally capable
being on disability makes me less than
Being disable cause me to be out of the loop in my profession (Projecting here…)
…..
F: inferior, incapable
A: ruminating over my day, overthinking about my day and over-analyzing my day.
R: I’m not totally capable in my job.
And you’d like to create the feeling of being capable and confident.
So we recommend focusing on 1 emotion at a time. Let’s say you want to create confidence.
C: My job
T
F: Confident
A:
R:
If you feel confident in your job, what actions would you take? I’m going to project (due to limited information provided about the job or current thoughts about the job): Would it be safe to assume you’d want to make decisions quicker? (less ruminating) Stop questioning your choices and move into action? Make a plan and stick with it for the day?
C: My job
T:
F: Confident
A: Allow myself limited time to make decisions, stick to my decision and start working, disregard other people's opinions about my choices?
R:
Next, you need to figure out the thought you could think of in the future that would create confidence. I have provided 1 suggestion but given the limited details you have provided, it’s very difficult for us to determine the thought that would be helpful.
C: My job
T: I have the abilities to be an excellent _____ (fill in blank to your profession)
F: Confident
A: Allow myself limited time to make decisions, stick to my decision and start working, disregard other people's opinions about my choices?
R: I'm an excellent ____ (fill in blank to your profession)
I’m going to follow my hunch here and say that the Circumstance here is not really your job as much as how you process your disability in relationship to your job (or former disability if you are fully recovered). I think that what really is impacting your ability to feel capable at work….
Have you worked through your thought about your disability or former diagnosis of your disability? Is it possible that you are still holding judgement about it?
C:_____ (disability)
It’s similar to women being in a larger body and thinking that their body size is creating their confidence.
We often start the thought ladder with:
Bottom: It’s possible for women like me (in a large body) to be confident.
There are women like me (in a large body) that are confident.
I’m becoming a woman in a large body that is confident about herself and her abilities.
I’m a woman in a large body that is confident about herself and her abilities.
I’m a confident woman.
How does this resonate with you?
We’d love to hear from you. Perhaps fill in the blanks and resubmit, and we will help you with the next steps.
Tuning Out Diet Culture
C: Lots of diet messaging and talk everywhere right now
TD: How can all these people actually believe promoting diets is a good practice? What if they are all right and I am wrong? It is so obvious to me how futile and borderline unethical the diet messaging is; why is it not obvious to them? Am I missing something? I am having a hard time competing with the "diet noise". I only have 3 clients signed up for my coaching program this month - I cannot compete with the diet industry.
F: Overwhelmed, annoyed, insecure, disappointed
A: I hesitate to put myself out there. I am unfollowing a bunch of social media accounts that promote diet culture (which I think is a good thing)... but I should be doing it out of respect for myself and not anger at them. The overwhelm is making content creation in my own programming more difficult.
R: I only have 3 new clients starting this month
I am not sure if I have thought through this in the correct order... would you be able to give me feedback and help me set up the new model I need to adopt?
Thanks!
ANSWER
Hello!
Well done showing up for coaching.
I'm going to coach you on two angles: 1- technical application of the self-coaching model (because you are a PRO). 2- the thinking errors.
1- Technical Coaching
This will help you understand the real issue. Refining your technical self-coaching skill will allow you to find the CORE beliefs behind the suffering.
The C is not neutral. "LOTS" is an option. "Everywhere" is an opinion.
Our brains resist seeing C as neutral. Holding back seeing C as neutral allows our brain to justify our T as facts.
Neutral C: Words (or message) from diet culture in January
We recommend not having questions in a thought download as it hides a real T. Again, your brain present you from seeing the real T so it can keep thinking it. For example: "How can all these people actually believe promoting diets is a good practice?" might mean: "People believe diets are good." It would make sense of a non-diet practitioner brain to think this as it would likely produce an F of insecurity A of procrastination or praralysis.
Challenge each question in your T and get to the real T.
You need to break down each mean T in an individual model so you can determine which T creates which F and A. That's essential to understand yourself better and truly to see where and how you can create change.
C: Words from diet culture in January
T: I'm wrong about non-diet way
F: ??? (insecure?)
A: I hesitate to put myself out there, _Overthinking?____ (what else do you do when you feel insecure professionally?)
R: My non-diet practice is dangerous
C: Words from diet culture in January
T: I still believe diet messaging
F: ??? (disappointed)
A: I hesitate to put myself out there, I create content from anger instead of compassion, I'm not confident in my program, so it's harder to sell it to others, _____ (what else do you do when you feel disappointed?)
R: I resonate to diet culture noise in January
C: Words from diet culture in January
T: It's hard to compete with diet culture
F: ??? (Overwhelmed?)
A: I do not create as much marketing content, I take action from anger, I'm not confident in my marketing, I market my business from a place of fear, I overthink the next step, I ruminate as to why diet culture is better than me, ______ (what else do you do when you feel overwhelmed?)
R: I prove to myself that it's hard to compete OR I continue to believe I need to compete
You need to complete each model and dig deeper to get to the root cause… The big belief that causes you to believe diet culture messaging.
When people say they are triggered by something, it simply means that other people's words or thought are reflecting a belief in them that they are ashamed of or do not know they still hold. Go and listen to podcast #262 - Beyond The Food podcast.
Other people's words (diet culture noise) aren't what create these emotions in you. It's your thought about the diet culture noise that creates your emotions. So my guess is that somewhere within you, you still believe diet culture message.
Which part of diet culture are you still uncertain about? Is it all food is good? Is it the health part of thinner is better?
Or maybe you believe that you need to compete with diet culture instead of forging your own path?
As far as intentional model: It's hard for me to help you set one up until we can know exactly what the core belief is about.
C: All food are good
C: Health is available at any size
C: Other people's words
C: Competing with diet culture
There so many ways you can go with this. I would suggest you do the way I coach you with and then see what happens. Submit, and we can work on an intuitional model.
Risk-taking
Unintentional Model:
C: Risk
TD:
I can’t do hard things
I don’t trust myself enough to take risks
I don’t follow up with conviction
I don’t believe in myself
I don’t trust myself
I need people around me
I’m afraid
I’m going to fail
I’m not smart enough
I’m not consistent
I don’t commit to doing something
I don’t succeed
I couldn’t move to a different country
I’m lonely
I don’t have support
I don’t know how to do things alone
I’ve always had my family and my friends with me
I know how to have others solve my life for me
I don’t take risks
I’ve always avoided taking risks
I try to build layers and walls of protection
I need things to be perfect
T: I dislike taking risks that change my life.
E: Defeated, Mistrust, disappointment, hopeless, unhappy, resistant, overwhelmed, worthless, afraid, anxious, frightened, paralyzed, scared, terrified, worried, Regretful, Incapable, trapped, vulnerable, dissatisfied, reluctant, ungrounded, unsure, worried, failure, struggling to survive without what I have today
A: Catastrophizing, avoidance, overthinking, ruminating, distraction, numbing, victimized, perfectionism
R: I’m convinced I’m incapable of taking risks that change my life
Intentional Model:
C: Risk
T: I am able to embrace change
E: Resonant
A: I trust myself to succeed through change, I let go of safety, support myself through periods of change. I learn, I apply, I throw myself onto small risks to learn how to do it, and then onto higher and higher ones. I live a life that I authentically build to be what I want
R: I embrace change
Thought ladder
Desired thought: I embrace change
I’m learning to embrace change
I’m open to believing I embrace change
I can become a person who believes I can embrace change
There are people in the world who embrace change
It is possible that my brain is not reliable when it tells me that I’m incapable of taking risks that change my life
Current thought: I’m convinced I’m incapable of taking risks that change my life
___
It definitely feels at this moment like I have to start at the bottom of the ladder, I recognize I have been able to make progress in some ways, but there is so much more I could do if I liberate myself from these thoughts in my TD.
ANSWER
Hello!
This is well done…. I can see that you're advanced in your self-coaching practice. So with that, I’ll coach you in an advanced level.
I assume you know that in the unintentional portion of your self-coaching you should detail the main 2-3 thoughts individually so you can figure out which main way of thinking creates which emotions, therefore actions in your life.
When I look at your TD is see 3 main thought lines: I can’t do hard things - Failure is bad, and I’m alone and that’s not good. I will let you do this on your own.
If you haven’t yet, I would explore what failure means to you…
In your intentional model:
What does change mean to you? Is it negative, neutral or positive? Your thought I embrace change…. is your brain afraid of change, and you are trying to get your brain to embrace danger? If so, it may never work as your brain is wired to run away from danger, so you may need to neutralize danger first before embracing it.
The emotion of resonant. When you feel resonant, will you take these actions? When I look up resonance it means a form of compassion… the actions that you want to take in my body would require courage, confidence, power, determination that level of emotions. This is totally a personal opinion so take it as a grain of salt.
Added a few words to your thought ladder
Desired thought:
I look forward to the opportunity to change aspects of my life
I embrace change
I’m learning to embrace change
I’m open to believing I CAN embrace change
I can become a person who believes I can embrace change
There are people in the world who embrace change and look forward to it
It is possible that my brain is not reliable when it tells me that I’m incapable of taking risks that change my life
Current thought: I’m convinced I’m incapable of taking risks that change my life
Hope this helps!
Struggling with living in a big body
I’m struggling with the program and loving the big body I’m in. I don’t want to love my big body because it’s the cause of my low-self esteem. My questions are, can I succeed with this program if I don’t want to love the big body I’m in? What if I still believe in diet culture and losing weight?
ANSWER
Hello!
This is such a great question. I have a lot of good news for you.
Here's the first good news for you, sister: You don't have to love yourself or love your body. That's not what we do here at Beyond The Food. We do not teach self-love or body love. We teach women how to be neutral about their bodies and how to respect themselves.
Body love or self-love is BS… On this, please go listen to private podcast #21. It will help you tremendously to understand this concept and why it's essential for you.
I would suggest listening to the Beyond The Food podcast #255 Body neutrality it will help you understand the difference.
What you need to aim for is body respect.
Next good news for you: Self-esteem is not the product of any external feature, including body size. Self-esteem is the outcome of the way you think about yourself. Self-esteem is produced by the thoughts you entertain in your mind about yourself. This is why some large-bodied women have high self-esteem, and some thin women have poor self-esteem.
The belief you have that your self-esteem is related to your body size is completely normal. This is what diet culture is telling us every day. It's likely what you have been socialized to from a very young age (like the rest of us).
Patriarchy created diet culture in order to indoctrinate women into the belief that thinner is better, and the solution is shrinking their body (aka dieting). So it's no surprise that you think like this now… that's what unlearning diet culture is all about.
To your comment: "What if I still believe diet culture?". Recognizing diet culture exists is recognizing that the thin ideal is not true, meaning that to feel worthy as a woman, you do not have to fit a certain beauty ideal.
Every human is born worthy, including women. Self-worth aka self-esteem, is not something to be earned. It's not something you have to work hard at. Self-worth and self-esteem is your birthright. This is why women who lose weight do not feel better about themselves. Once they temporarily check the box of body size, they move on to the next issue- they need to fix about themselves so they can earn their self-esteem. This leads to the relentless chase for self-worth that never ends….
This is the work you have to do… reprogram your belief system that you are worthy. This reprogramming is done using the self-coaching model and taught to you inside the CONFIDENT course (first month inside Conquer and Thrive). I would suggest you do a model on C: Self-worth and submit it to Coach corner, and we will help you.
Next: "What if I want to lose weight??. We live in a free world, my sister and as a woman you are totally empowered to make decisions about your body. Your body, your choice. That's the premise of Beyond The Food. We don't teach you how to do this here. There's an $82 billion weight loss industry awaiting to offer you solutions.
The only coaching I will give you is this one: Before embarking on the next diet, take time to do it fully conscious of the outcome: 91-95% of chances you will lose some weight and gaining it back within 1-5 years.
Lastly, leave you with this: Go back to CONFIDENT course lesson 1 and use the love versus fear decision matrix to analyze your decision. Make sure that your decision is from a place of love and not fear. That's the only way to create happiness, health, and peace in one's life.
Hope this helps and will be waiting on your self-coaching model on self-worth!
Identifying physical sensations that follow triggers
I'm working through Processing All the Feelings exercise and I'm able to identify triggers and emotions but I'm having trouble identifying the physical sensations. I'm starting to think that I may always be in a heightened/anxious state so many of the physical sensations are always present. I'd love some help or guidance with this exercise, please.
ANSWER
Hello!
This is such a great question and so common when we first begin the work of self-coaching.
Yes, emotions manifest as physical sensations in our bodies. That’s why we call them feelings. And, what you’re experiencing is completely normal and very common. We are culturally conditioned to dissociate from our bodies and intellectualize everything. This work isn’t intellectual. And it’s super weird at first. That’s okay. Let it be weird. You’ve likely never been taught to feel your feelings before, so you’ve had decades of not doing that. You’re learning a new thing. This disconnection is even more relevant for us women who have dieted their whole life. Part of the dieting process is to disregarded physical sensations in order to deprive our body of food and or over-exercise our body into pain. To be a dieter require a physical disconnection to our body. Over the years of dieting, women become head people. That's part of the work... reconnecting to our body and learning to listen to it.
We first start with our emotions and then we move on with food. Both requiring to build this physical connection. It's very possible that you are in a state of anxiety most of the time if your thoughts are anxiety-producing thoughts (aka fear-based thoughts). That's why learning to apply the self-coaching model is essential so you can start changing the anxiety-producing thoughts to lessen the anxiety your feel in your body. Another contributing factor is awareness. This program is "forcing" you to feel your bodily sensations maybe for the first time so it can be overwhelming for many of us at first. To realize we have so many sensations and emotions is a big AH AH moment for many of us. I would suggest downloading the self-compassion audio and practice the short mindfulness technique when you feel overwhelmed. Maybe even making this practice a daily happening so that instead of managing you prevent it.
Rest assured.
You’re exactly where you need to be.
Updated My Body Thought Model
I'm having trouble with the result line. Can you tell me if the result seems correct for this model?
C: My Body
TD:
I liked my smaller body better
My stomach is bigger than I want it to be
I've been eating too much lately
T:
My stomach is bigger than I want it to be
F:
Dissatisfied
A:
Body checking in the mirror, only from the side angle to see how much my stomach pokes out
R:
I keep disrespecting my body
ANSWER
Hello...
I'm so sorry that we made a mistake with your prior model. I'm not sure what happens and we will investigate to make sure this doesn't happen again...
The structure of the self-coaching model is right. Well done! The reason you are struggling is that you haven’t flushed out the A-line enough… You are only scratching the surface. Your brain is protecting you from seeing all the A’s you are taking ( Conscious and subconsciously) to ensure you maintain the beliefs that your body is better when smaller. Having unproductive thoughts and feeling dissatisfied leads to more than 1 action… sometimes it helps to move into an easier area of our life and observe ourselves when feeling the same way “ dissatisfied”. When you feel dissatisfied at work what behavior do you typically have? When it’s with your partner? What else do you do when feeling dissatisfied with your body? Here’s what I typically see in models: A’s: Overthinking about how the body should be, ruminating how much better body was when…., overthinking how I can change the size of my body, continue to wear clothes that are too tight, daydreaming about how life would be better if…., suck in my stomach when present with other people, keep my short on when having sexual interaction, overthink if I'm really hungry, challenge my ability to feel full, restrict food that I believe leads to weight gains, Google a solution to lose weight naturally, etc… These are just samples. Go deeper what is truly the range of A’s you have?
Once you can see all the A’s for this T your result will be evident. Remember that your R proves your T right… So likely your R will prove your stomach is bigger than what you think it ought to be. Next, I need you to flush out every thought in this TD…. run every one of them via a model and see the full scope of how these beliefs are impacting your life. This is the way for you to determine the right intentional thought to cultivate to change the core belief about your body.
Again we are really sorry for the error.
Health problems and trying not to restrict eating?
ANSWER
Hello!
Thank you for submitting your question and I will answer it in 3 parts.
The following is not medical advice. We would advise you to consult your medical health professional for specific advice regarding your gallbladder attack.
#1: Get educated to what the gallbladder and your current health situation.
The gallbladder is the organ responsible for the production of bile. Bile is a fluid that is responsible for the digestion of fat present in our food. When we eat the gallbladder releases bile to digest food. The more food we have to digest or the more fat is present in the food we eat the more the gallbladder will need to produce bile.
Typically what folks describe as “gallbladder attack” is an inflammation of the gallbladder due to the presence of gallstones in the binary duct of the gallbladder preventing the release of bile for digestion.
So based on your health assessment of having a “gallbladder attack” it looks like you have a compromised gallbladder with a reduced capacity to function. There are products and remedies that exist that will help you support your compromised gallbladder. Typically with patients diagnosed with this situation, we suggest using bile salts ( a synthetic form of bile fluid) when eating to offset their gallbladder reduce the production of bile. You can access Stephanie’s private dispensary and see the products she recommends here: Supplement Guide
Fatphobia is present in every way we engage with our body include our health challenges. If you were thin and had been thinking all of your life would you blame yourself for lack of food restriction? Or would you seek a solution like the one above without shame and guilt?
#2: The word indulge…
I know you state that you are new so this will be a great teaching moment. Typically when women use the word “indulge” it means they believe they have “overeat” or that the food they think they shouldn’t. The word indulge is a deeply embedded diet culture word intended to create shame, guilt, and all other kinds of unproductive emotions.
I would coach you to remove this word from your language. You ate point. you didn’t indulge you ate. Using the word indulge keeps you in a shame & guilt relationship to food.
#3 Good and Bad food…
That principle #1 from intuitive eating…The Peaceful course will take you thru this. We teach you why labeling food as “good or bad” trigger rebellion and “ compulsive behaviors” around food. Removing the labeling and making peace with food will allow you to treat food as neutral.
All food are food point. Some food works better in your body than others and only you know that. That your journey to figure out what food is better for you. The process of intuitive eating will move you from Instead of restricting food because they are “bad” to choosing to eat certain food because they make you feel best.
So maybe for you, food that has a lot of fat in it isn’t making you feel best since they cause your compromised gallbladder to have to work really hard. Once you can see this food as neutral ( after a few months of intuitive eating) you’ll be able to make choice, without guilt or shame as a motivator, that respects your body and gallbladder naturally.
#4 Health beyond weight…
What else can you do to help support your body and gallbladder? It’s well recognized that stress is a major effect on glass bladder health. How can you manage your stress level better to support your gallbladder? Also moving lightly and regularly is recognize to help support the better function of the gallbladder. Can you move your body more often in an effort to support your gallbladder?
Self Coaching model re. Intuitive Eating
TD: I was an intuitive eater until my mid-30s, and relearning it, I wish I could lose weight while eating intuitively. Sometimes I think of intuitive eating as a free pass to eat whatever I want. It's hard to see coaches who teach intuitive eating and are skinny. I feel I should be a thin intuitive eating coach.
T: I wish I could lose weight while eating intuitively
F: hopeful
A: I practise intuitive eating like a diet, I stop myself from eating things that satisfy me and then find myself overeating them later.
R: still in diet mentality mode and not really an intuitive eater.
T: I think of intuitive eating as a free pass to eat whatever I want
F: guilty
A: fight that thought, rein in on how I eat, become more controlling, and it becomes a diet. I eat what I think I should eat and then find myself overeating things that I restrict
R: still in diet mentality mode with a focus on weight loss and less on making peace.
T: I should be a thin intuitive eating coach
F: rejected
A: I reject myself as a coach and don't show up and practice. I fall out of integrity with what I want to help women with
R: I don't show up as an intuitive eating coach at all
ANSWER
Hello!
Since there is not direct question or request, I will assume that you want coaching on your self-coaching model. If this is incorrect, please let us know and resubmit. I will also coach you on intuitive eating.
The first place to start is on your self-coaching model. Overall this is really good unintentional on self-coaching. You have a lot of thoughts on intuitive eat I will assume you haven't done LIBERATE yet as it would appear that you also have fatphobic thoughts about body size. I would suggest you explore it separately or wait for you to have access to the body image course.
Based on your thought download, it appears that you are a professional, so you will need to separate your self-coaching about your personal experience with intuitive eating and your coaching abilities as an intuitive eating coach.
I will assume you haven't completed the PEACEFUL course, which will help you with your understanding of intuitive eating principles. Your personal experience with healing your relationship to food and learning intuitive eating for yourself will be the ground for your professional skills. What you carry for yourself in your belief system will impact your coaching. So I'm not sure if you are in practice now, but I would suggest that you have work to do on yourself prior to coaching others.
Let's look at your first model.... your C is great. TD is good.
I would watch for thoughts that start with " I feel...." thoughts are not feelings. When you use I feel... what do you really think and believe? Most often, when we use " I feel..." or "Sometimes..." we are avoiding see the real thought hiding. So when you say, " I feel I should be skinny..." get real and honest: Do you have a belief or the thought that you need to be thin to be an intuitive eating coach?
The model is contradictory...
T: I wish I could lose weight while eating intuitively
F: hopeful
A: I practice intuitive eating like a diet. I stop myself from eating things that satisfy me and then find myself overeating them later.
R: still in diet mentality mode and not really an intuitive eater.
Do you believe that intuitive eating is a weight loss diet? Is that why you feel hopeful?
What makes me question the model is that you say you feel hopeful which means you have a desire to lose weight and that you hope that intuitive eating will help you with this goal. But at the same time, you have an action that goes against intuitive eating principles... So it's either that you have a wrong understanding of IE (you think it's a weight loss diet) or that you aren't clear on your true feeling.
Here's a question that may help you: When you look outside of IE, when you feel hopeful, how do you behave? Do you take action that goes against what you are hopeful for?
The R is this model isn't 100 accurate. When you think, "I wish I could lose weight," and you take the A's, you have listed what you are actually creating is a constant focus on weight loss for yourself.
The second model:
T: I think of intuitive eating as a free pass to eat whatever I want
F: guilty
A: fight that thought, rein in on how I eat, become more controlling, and it becomes a diet. I eat what I think I should eat and then find myself overeating things that I restrict
R: still in diet mentality mode with a focus on weight loss and less on making peace.
You R is actually bringing your T in reality: You eat whatever you want, disregarding the basics principles of intuitive eating (hunger/ fullness and satisfaction cues).
I would suggest that your next step is to get started with PEACEFUL - The Intuitive Eating Project so you can have a clear path to learn intuitive eating and be able to build an intentional model that would be aligned what Intuitive Eating that doesn't co-opt dieting or diet culture.
If we missed anything or need further help, feel free to submit again.
Peeling the Onion
TD: I have to make dinner and it should be healthy. My husband is going to be disappointed with me. When I don't cook proper, I will get more sick. I'm weak to have a migraine. I have a bad body.
F: ashamed, weak and guilt
A: start thinking about how to control my eating. I denied myself any snack after diner. I numbed myself out with Netflix.
R: I didn't look after myself, no self-care in the moment I needed it.
When I start thinking in the model, I feel like it brings on more thoughts and feelings. It's like I'm able to look further down in me. In this circumstance, I did the model, and then it hit me later that down under there is the thought that I'm not a good person because I have regular periods of migraine and therefore I'm not productive. And that there should always be an explanation for being sick. It goes back to being a good girl (again).
Now I have this question, do you have to go peeling the onion so far down? Then the circumstance is moving a kind of out of the picture.
I hope I make sense and you understand my question. (and excuses if I made spelling mistakes)
ANSWER
Hello!
So to quickly answer your question: Yes, it's like peeling an onion... what first starts as a mundane issue when worked through properly in the self-coaching model, quickly becomes about our core beliefs. If you go back to Lesson 2 of the Self-coaching course, you can see how our beliefs create all of our thoughts.
So if you have a belief that you need to be a good girl, now as an adult "good wife," and that based on your upbringing, a "good wife" means THIS and THAT when you do not meet THIS and THAT you will have critical thoughts.
The goal of self-coaching is to bring awareness to these core beliefs and decide if they are still serving us today.
Now, I'd like to coach you on your model itself.
The C is not neutral and has many T in it. I think this is what your C and TD could look like when neutralized:
Circumstance: I had a migraine.
TD: I have to make dinner and it should be healthy.
My husband is going to be disappointed in me.
When I don't cook proper, I will get more sick.
I'm weak to have a migraine.
I have a bad body.
I had a bad - read unproductive - day.
I did not go shopping.
I have no energy for cooking or whatsoever.
I just made some fries (there a T about making "just fries" maybe "I should have been able to do a full meal??")
Then you need to unpack the main 3 T to identify which one caused shame, weak and guilt. 1 T for 1 F for 1 R
Then you'll be able to truly identify all the R you are creating in the C: migraine.
As you are progressing through the detailling of each T as you see the A's and the R, the core beliefs will become evident.
So stop back and detail out each T and then resubmit!
Great work, sister!