Circumstance: I had a migraine. Medication worked but I had a bad – read unproductive – day. Did no shopping, no energy for cooking or what so ever. So when it was dinner time, I just made some fries. I felt ashamed, weak and guilt.
TD: I have to make dinner and it should be healthy. My husband is going to be disappointed with me. When I don’t cook proper, I will get more sick. I’m weak to have a migraine. I have a bad body.
F: ashamed, weak and guilt
A: start thinking about how to control my eating. I denied myself any snack after diner. I numbed myself out with Netflix.
R: I didn’t look after myself, no self-care in the moment I needed it.
When I start thinking in the model, I feel like it brings on more thoughts and feelings. It’s like I’m able to look further down in me. In this circumstance, I did the model, and then it hit me later that down under there is the thought that I’m not a good person because I have regular periods of migraine and therefore I’m not productive. And that there should always be an explanation for being sick. It goes back to being a good girl (again).
Now I have this question, do you have to go peeling the onion so far down? Then the circumstance is moving a kind of out of the picture.
I hope I make sense and you understand my question. (and excuses if I made spelling mistakes)
ANSWER
Hello!
So to quickly answer your question: Yes, it’s like peeling an onion… what first starts as a mundane issue when worked through properly in the self-coaching model, quickly becomes about our core beliefs. If you go back to Lesson 2 of the Self-coaching course, you can see how our beliefs create all of our thoughts.
So if you have a belief that you need to be a good girl, now as an adult “good wife,” and that based on your upbringing, a “good wife” means THIS and THAT when you do not meet THIS and THAT you will have critical thoughts.
The goal of self-coaching is to bring awareness to these core beliefs and decide if they are still serving us today.
Now, I’d like to coach you on your model itself.
The C is not neutral and has many T in it. I think this is what your C and TD could look like when neutralized:
Circumstance: I had a migraine.
TD: I have to make dinner and it should be healthy.
My husband is going to be disappointed in me.
When I don’t cook proper, I will get more sick.
I’m weak to have a migraine.
I have a bad body.
I had a bad – read unproductive – day.
I did not go shopping.
I have no energy for cooking or whatsoever.
I just made some fries (there a T about making “just fries” maybe “I should have been able to do a full meal??”)
Then you need to unpack the main 3 T to identify which one caused shame, weak and guilt. 1 T for 1 F for 1 R
Then you’ll be able to truly identify all the R you are creating in the C: migraine.
As you are progressing through the detailling of each T as you see the A’s and the R, the core beliefs will become evident.
So stop back and detail out each T and then resubmit!
Great work, sister!
TD: I have to make dinner and it should be healthy. My husband is going to be disappointed with me. When I don’t cook proper, I will get more sick. I’m weak to have a migraine. I have a bad body.
F: ashamed, weak and guilt
A: start thinking about how to control my eating. I denied myself any snack after diner. I numbed myself out with Netflix.
R: I didn’t look after myself, no self-care in the moment I needed it.
When I start thinking in the model, I feel like it brings on more thoughts and feelings. It’s like I’m able to look further down in me. In this circumstance, I did the model, and then it hit me later that down under there is the thought that I’m not a good person because I have regular periods of migraine and therefore I’m not productive. And that there should always be an explanation for being sick. It goes back to being a good girl (again).
Now I have this question, do you have to go peeling the onion so far down? Then the circumstance is moving a kind of out of the picture.
I hope I make sense and you understand my question. (and excuses if I made spelling mistakes)
ANSWER
Hello!
So to quickly answer your question: Yes, it’s like peeling an onion… what first starts as a mundane issue when worked through properly in the self-coaching model, quickly becomes about our core beliefs. If you go back to Lesson 2 of the Self-coaching course, you can see how our beliefs create all of our thoughts.
So if you have a belief that you need to be a good girl, now as an adult “good wife,” and that based on your upbringing, a “good wife” means THIS and THAT when you do not meet THIS and THAT you will have critical thoughts.
The goal of self-coaching is to bring awareness to these core beliefs and decide if they are still serving us today.
Now, I’d like to coach you on your model itself.
The C is not neutral and has many T in it. I think this is what your C and TD could look like when neutralized:
Circumstance: I had a migraine.
TD: I have to make dinner and it should be healthy.
My husband is going to be disappointed in me.
When I don’t cook proper, I will get more sick.
I’m weak to have a migraine.
I have a bad body.
I had a bad – read unproductive – day.
I did not go shopping.
I have no energy for cooking or whatsoever.
I just made some fries (there a T about making “just fries” maybe “I should have been able to do a full meal??”)
Then you need to unpack the main 3 T to identify which one caused shame, weak and guilt. 1 T for 1 F for 1 R
Then you’ll be able to truly identify all the R you are creating in the C: migraine.
As you are progressing through the detailling of each T as you see the A’s and the R, the core beliefs will become evident.
So stop back and detail out each T and then resubmit!
Great work, sister!