Reaching out for support today… I am at my heaviest… ever! and I hate it! I knew it… I could FEEL it, even before the scale confirmed. I am not restricting/binging anymore; I am allowing and trying to tune into my body but the lbs. are piling up and up and up (40 in less than 1 year i.e. panic attacks), and no, I do not want to buy bigger clothes because 1- at 3XL and up I can’t find anything nice, and 2- I would feel like giving up on myself. And I would be lying if ultimately I don’t want Intuitive Eating to bring me back to a body where I feel more at ease (I didn’t say the body I had in my 20’s or even after my 3 kids). I am not judging myself or being a real mean girl either; it’s just info but… aghhh!??
ANSWER
Hello!
Great courage showing up for coaching.
The first place I want you to acknowledge yourself for is just that: Showing up for coaching on a subject that is very sensitive for you. I bet you’ve had these moments before and never reached out and asked for help… but this time, you did. Well done!
Next, I want you to recognize how normal this reaction to gaining weight is. We have been socialized as women that gaining weight is the most “terrible “ thing that can happen to us. Not only that it’s the most terrible that can happen now that we are also socialized and reminded every day that more “terrible” things will happen to us in the future if we don’t lose the weight… think rejection, judgement, health issues etc… So it’s 100% normal that you are having this reaction to knowing you have gained weight.
The socialization about weight and what it means for you is what you need to change. You need to change the narrartive, aka thoughts you think about your weight.
Your body weight, the number on the scale is neutral… what makes it terrible is your thoughts about it. The good news is that you can change these thoughts… you are a grown-up woman and have the autonomy to think the thoughts you choose about your weight.
Right now, the thoughts you think lead you to have panic attacks, and I bet you you don’t want that?
To change your thoughts, you need to use the self-coaching model. Let me help you with the first few steps.
Currently, this is what is going on in your mind based on your message: (Lesson 4 CONFIDENT)
Circumstance: Body Weight
Thought Download:
I’m heavy
I hate it
I knew I gain weight, and that’s terrible
Pounds are pilling up and up
I don’t want to buy bigger clothes
I can’t find anything nice in larger sizes
Buying clothes that fit means giving up on myself
I hope intuitive eating will help me lose weight
I’m not judging myself
T: Pounds are pilling up and up
F: Anxious
A: panic attacks
R: My body weight feel terrible
Then you would break the main 3-4 thoughts down to see how each one makes you feel, which actions it create, and the result in your life.
T: I hate it
F: _____ (maybe disapointement??)
A: I give up / I overthink about how life was better when I was smaller / ruminate as to why my body is gaining weight / Overthink why this is the worst thing that can happen in my life
R: I prove to myself that I should hate my weight
T: I’m not judging myself
F: frustration
A: Overthink why it’s not a judgement of my body but a fact / ruminate why it’s a fact that gaining weight is terrible
R: I continue to judge my body but I justify it by making it a fact that it’s terrible to gain weight
That’s what self-coaching is about – discovering how we create our reality. Right now, your reality is that gaining weight is terrible. It’s not true. Gaining weight isn’t terrible. What makes it true for you is the thoughts (aka opinion) you have about gaining weight. Can you see that you are in fact, judging yourself, and that’s why you feel terrible?
Body weight is just a number on the scale. Just like your height or the lenght of your hair: They’re just numbers… do you judge yourself and your worth into this world because of the length of your nails? (Lesson 4 of CONFIDENT)
You need to neutralize the meaning of weight gain so you can stop feeling terrible and opening the door to peace and freedom. This is the second stage of self-coaching: creating a new way to think about weight that is neutral and not attached to your self-worth. That’s what we call intention thinking. (Lesson 6 of CONFIDENT)
C: Body weight
T: The number on the scale doesn’t mean anything about my worth (this is just an idea… work on finding an intentional thought that will feel good to you.)
F: Calm
A: I stop weighing myself / I peacefully transition to intuitive eating / I listen to my eating cues with compassion / I detach my body weight from my worth / I buy clothes that make me feel comfortable / I ask other women where they buy their clothes / I move my body with joy / I focus on my health beyond my weight / I focus on sleeping better / ….. ( fill in the actions you’d like to create for yourself)
R: I interact with my body with compassion
You may need to use the thought ladder to get you to believe your intentional thought (Lesson 7 of CONFIDENT).
1-It’s possible that my brain is lying to me when I think that gaining weight is a terrible thing
2-There are other women who think that the number on the scale doesn’t mean anything about their worth
3-It’s possible for me in the future to think that the number on the scale doesn’t mean anything about my worth
4- I’m beginning to think that the number on the scale doesn’t mean anything about my worth
5- The number on the scale doesn’t mean anything about my worth
This is it… This is how you self-coach yourself how to get out of this terrible place you are in right now because you gain weight.
I would also recommend you listen to the private podcast 10 where Stephanie teaches about resistance and podcast #12 where she explained the process of gaining weight. One last one… podcast #13 The process of change.
So digest this and come back to us and see how you are doing!
ANSWER
Hello!
Great courage showing up for coaching.
The first place I want you to acknowledge yourself for is just that: Showing up for coaching on a subject that is very sensitive for you. I bet you’ve had these moments before and never reached out and asked for help… but this time, you did. Well done!
Next, I want you to recognize how normal this reaction to gaining weight is. We have been socialized as women that gaining weight is the most “terrible “ thing that can happen to us. Not only that it’s the most terrible that can happen now that we are also socialized and reminded every day that more “terrible” things will happen to us in the future if we don’t lose the weight… think rejection, judgement, health issues etc… So it’s 100% normal that you are having this reaction to knowing you have gained weight.
The socialization about weight and what it means for you is what you need to change. You need to change the narrartive, aka thoughts you think about your weight.
Your body weight, the number on the scale is neutral… what makes it terrible is your thoughts about it. The good news is that you can change these thoughts… you are a grown-up woman and have the autonomy to think the thoughts you choose about your weight.
Right now, the thoughts you think lead you to have panic attacks, and I bet you you don’t want that?
To change your thoughts, you need to use the self-coaching model. Let me help you with the first few steps.
Currently, this is what is going on in your mind based on your message: (Lesson 4 CONFIDENT)
Circumstance: Body Weight
Thought Download:
I’m heavy
I hate it
I knew I gain weight, and that’s terrible
Pounds are pilling up and up
I don’t want to buy bigger clothes
I can’t find anything nice in larger sizes
Buying clothes that fit means giving up on myself
I hope intuitive eating will help me lose weight
I’m not judging myself
T: Pounds are pilling up and up
F: Anxious
A: panic attacks
R: My body weight feel terrible
Then you would break the main 3-4 thoughts down to see how each one makes you feel, which actions it create, and the result in your life.
T: I hate it
F: _____ (maybe disapointement??)
A: I give up / I overthink about how life was better when I was smaller / ruminate as to why my body is gaining weight / Overthink why this is the worst thing that can happen in my life
R: I prove to myself that I should hate my weight
T: I’m not judging myself
F: frustration
A: Overthink why it’s not a judgement of my body but a fact / ruminate why it’s a fact that gaining weight is terrible
R: I continue to judge my body but I justify it by making it a fact that it’s terrible to gain weight
That’s what self-coaching is about – discovering how we create our reality. Right now, your reality is that gaining weight is terrible. It’s not true. Gaining weight isn’t terrible. What makes it true for you is the thoughts (aka opinion) you have about gaining weight. Can you see that you are in fact, judging yourself, and that’s why you feel terrible?
Body weight is just a number on the scale. Just like your height or the lenght of your hair: They’re just numbers… do you judge yourself and your worth into this world because of the length of your nails? (Lesson 4 of CONFIDENT)
You need to neutralize the meaning of weight gain so you can stop feeling terrible and opening the door to peace and freedom. This is the second stage of self-coaching: creating a new way to think about weight that is neutral and not attached to your self-worth. That’s what we call intention thinking. (Lesson 6 of CONFIDENT)
C: Body weight
T: The number on the scale doesn’t mean anything about my worth (this is just an idea… work on finding an intentional thought that will feel good to you.)
F: Calm
A: I stop weighing myself / I peacefully transition to intuitive eating / I listen to my eating cues with compassion / I detach my body weight from my worth / I buy clothes that make me feel comfortable / I ask other women where they buy their clothes / I move my body with joy / I focus on my health beyond my weight / I focus on sleeping better / ….. ( fill in the actions you’d like to create for yourself)
R: I interact with my body with compassion
You may need to use the thought ladder to get you to believe your intentional thought (Lesson 7 of CONFIDENT).
1-It’s possible that my brain is lying to me when I think that gaining weight is a terrible thing
2-There are other women who think that the number on the scale doesn’t mean anything about their worth
3-It’s possible for me in the future to think that the number on the scale doesn’t mean anything about my worth
4- I’m beginning to think that the number on the scale doesn’t mean anything about my worth
5- The number on the scale doesn’t mean anything about my worth
This is it… This is how you self-coach yourself how to get out of this terrible place you are in right now because you gain weight.
I would also recommend you listen to the private podcast 10 where Stephanie teaches about resistance and podcast #12 where she explained the process of gaining weight. One last one… podcast #13 The process of change.
So digest this and come back to us and see how you are doing!