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Reframing Body Confidence with Self-Coaching
C: I teach people about health and nutrition. I am in a larger body.
TD:
Nobody is going to take me seriously.
I don't look healthy to other people.
My body shape reflects poorly on my professional goals.
I need to lose weight to be able to get clients who trust me.
T: My body shape reflects poorly on my professional goals.
F: Shame, avoidance
A: I do not get in front of the camera or in front of people as often as I should.
I do not speak to my services with the level of confidence that I really have in them.
R: If nobody sees me, nobody knows me, and it is slow to gain clients for my business.
C: I teach people about health and nutrition. I am in a larger body.
T: Body size has very little to do with health.
People judging my body probably are not ready to ditch diet culture and be my clients right now anyhow.
I know that my insides are healthy, and what others presume to know has no relevance.
Potential clients seeing me in a larger body and exuding confidence may allow them to feel that they can do the same thing.
F: Empowered, enthusiastic, motivated
A: I speak about my journey honestly with other people.
I continue to show up and deliver truth in my business no matter what I look like.
R: My ideal clients are people like me, and they will be attracted to work with me because of my value of authenticity
ANSWER
Hello!
This is a great beginning work...
The first place I would look is the C.... it's not neutral. Larger body is an opinion not a fact. Larger than what? I would suggest that the C: teaching health & nutrition my body the rest is a T.
C: teaching health & nutrition with my body
TD:
??My body is too large to teach nutrition and health???
Nobody is going to take me seriously.
I don't look healthy to other people.
My body shape reflects poorly on my professional goals.
I need to lose weight to be able to get clients who trust me.
Next, you need to flush out each T individually. This is really important for you to see and become aware of how through your action you create the R currently present in your life. 1 T to 1 F to 1 R. This is where 80% of the work is in self-coaching.
Remember that your R is proving your T right. So for each model, how are you creating the R reflecting your T through your actions?
C: teaching health & nutrition with my body
T Nobody is going to take me seriously.
F
A's
R
C: teaching health & nutrition with my body
T I don't look healthy to other people
F
A's
R
C: teaching health & nutrition with my body
T My body shape reflects poorly on my professional goals
F
A's
R
C: teaching health & nutrition with my body
T I need to lose weight to be able to get clients who trust me
F
A's
R
Once this is done, you can take time and reflect and ask yourself, "What A or F do I want to create for myself. Based on your first sentence, it has to do with confidence.
C: teaching health & nutrition with my body
T
F: Confidence
A's:
R
Next step is what actions do I want to take?
C: teaching health & nutrition with my body
T
F : Confidence
A’s: ______, ______, _______, ________
R
And then what T(1) do I need to think to create confidence and these A's?
And then the R will be proving your T right.
So go back to work and resubmit when you have it reworked. Take your time; this is BIG work. As a practitioner in a non-conforming body to the thin ideal, this is everything. This model will be how you will create business success and transform people's life.
Good work!
My Body Thought Model
C: My Body
TD:
I liked my smaller body better
My stomach is bigger than I want it to be
I've been eating too much lately
T:
My stomach is bigger than I want it to be
Action:
Body checking in the mirror, only from the side angle to see how much my stomach pokes out
Result:
I keep disrespecting my body
ANSWER
Hello sister!
So you are working on your unintentional model about your body... well done so far.
The F line is missing... Should I assume this is an error? For the R line: Part of the reason why you might be struggling with finding the R is you haven't flushed out the A-line enough. You are listing one A: body checking but what else do you do when you think "My stomach is bigger than I want it to be".... Here's so A's I have observed from coaching women on the Body image model before: 1- Overthinking about their body part, comparing their body part to prior time or other people, ruminating about perceived reasons why their body part is too "big", judging themselves for having done the "perceived action" that " cause the body part to be bigger", refusal to buy clothes that fir the said bigger body part properly, impacted freedom in the sexual interaction, commenting or mind judging their body part, physical or psychological restriction of " bad food" that "caused" the body part to get bigger, perfectionist expectation of what the "body part" should look like, etc...These are just some ideas for you to get you started. Once you can see all the A's you create the R will become more evident. Remember that you create your R that proves your T right. So if you T is "My stomach is bigger than I want it to be" you will create an R that your stomach is bigger than you think it should be. The other important element here is to flush out each T in its own model. Working on your intentional body for your body image is one of the most profound works women can do. It takes time to flush out all the T and A created by the socialization to diet culture and patriarchy for women's bodies.
When working on core beliefs like body image I like to keep my journal open and keep coming back to it over days... daily 10 or so minutes of work. In between sessions, I keep thinking about it and it becomes clearer. Keep submitting as you progress.
Well done sister!
Social change in the sewing community
R: I bring awareness and contribute to dismantling systems of oppression in the sewing community.
Ladder:
Thought ladder
I bring awareness and contribute to dismantling systems of oppression in the sewing community.
I am doing my part to dismantle systems of oppression in the sewing community.
I am taking steps to contribute to dismantling systems of oppression in the sewing community.
I am learning how I can contribute to dismantle systems of oppression in the sewing community.
I’m open to believing that I can contribute to dismantling systems of oppression in the sewing community
There are people in the sewing community who can contribute to dismantling systems of oppression
It’s possible that my brain is not reliable when it tells me that it’s impossible for me to dismantle systems of oppression in the sewing community
ANSWER
Hello!
I can see that you are an advanced student in self-coaching. Your models are well constructed and show clearly how the quality of our thoughts creates the quality of our result.
I can see that you are trying to create something new in your life, which is awesome that you are at that point of self-confidence. Well done!
One note on your unintentional model: Your F line has two emotions. I will assume that you have presented us with a condensed version of your model here today. Be sure that when you practice on your own, you do separate your F individually. To each thought, 1 feeling. We tend to skip this critical part...
In your intentional model in the T line, you have two thoughts, and therefore you have two feelings in your F line. This tells me you need to do some more work to identify exactly which T is connected to which F.
The next step would be for you to get clear on which F will produce the A's you have outlined. Is it trusting or being satisfied?
Great work, sister!
Exercise and food
I finally knew it was craziness, and I came upon Intuitive eating and the work of Ellen Satter. I changed my eating back to intuitive eating. I’ve followed HAES and that world for years. I agree wholeheartedly. Over the past ten years, my body has added fat, and I’m just getting used to my new body. I haven’t weight trained in years, and I want to get back weight training twice weekly. I’ve yet to commit.
I’m guessing my own internal pressure that I “ should” look like I used to is part of the problem. The other problem is the dietary recommendations from the Canadian Diet Association gets into my head. The reason is that I’m aging, and age-related illnesses can start and will start to show up. After all, we can’t live forever. Too much knowledge of the “right way” to move and feed my body is the problem. Thanks!
ANSWER
Hello!
I'm not sure exactly what you would like coaching on. I can't find a question to answer. We didn't receive a self-coaching model either. So at this point, the best that I can do is to comment and suggest the next step. If this is not what you expected, please resubmit a direct question or a self-coaching model.
First comment: Well done for you to recognize your thin privilege. That said, having thin privilege doesn't spare us from being fatphobic or having internalized the fear of fatness. It would appear that is what is happening for you. I make this assumption because of this sentence: "I'm guessing my own internal pressure that I "should". This would indicate to me a fear of being fat.
So this would be my first coaching for you. You need to put this through the self-coaching process. We teach you how to do self-coaching inside the CONFIDENT course: Lesson 2-7.
So, in this case, I would suggest your C: Body size.
The second observation is around food. Although you have extensively studied Ellyn Sater and Intuitive Eating, it would appear that you are still holding "food judgement" or "healthy/ unhealthy food" beliefs within you. This is why you are struggling to process the "recommendations from the Canadian Diet Association"... you haven't yet changed your beliefs about certain food, and now you experience a dilemma.
We teach you this inside PEACEFUL.- Lesson 4. We lead us to use the self-coaching model to neutralize all food.
C: Food
And the last observation would be about your internal belief system about health. Looks like you have a lot of thoughts (what you described as knowledge), and you haven't yet made a decision on what you will believe or not. As a result, you are conflicted and uncertain.
C: Health while aging
TD
x
y
x
x
x
x
F: Uncertain/ Conflicted.
Stage 1 of Self-coaching asks you to inventory all of your thoughts and see what they create. Stage 2 of Self-coaching requires that you decide what you will think going forward. I think this is the key for you.
I would suggest you watch the "Health Goals the Non-Diet Way" Masterclass replay and work through all the exercises.
Hopefully, this coaching will be helpful. Be sure to ask a direct question or share your self-coaching model even if not complete next time so we can address your needs better.
Intuitive Eating Weight Gain Model
Circumstance: I see a picture of myself before starting Intuitive Eating and before having my 2nd child where I'm thinner than I am now.
Thought: I looked better thinner, and Intuitive Eating is causing this weight gain.
Emotion: Doubt, Concern, Unsure
Action: I run down a list of all of the foods I've been giving myself permission to eat now that I've gone down the IE path.
Result: I keep beating myself up when I look at that picture and doubting I'm on the right path.
ANSWER
Hello!
Great work showing up for coaching.
So I can see you are starting with Self-coaching. This is great work so far...
First, the C line has thoughts in it. That's normal because our brain wants to justify itself!
Your C would be: picture of myself before second child
Then I'm thinner than I'm now is a T and goes into your T line.
What's missing in your model is the thought download line. This is where we download all of the thoughts we have about the C.
C: picture of myself before second child
TD:
I'm thinner than I am now.
I looked better thinner.
Intuitive Eating is causing this weight gain.
Then, we need to separate each T into its own model so we can see the impact of each thought.
C: picture of myself before second child
T: I'm thinner than I am now.
E: Which emotion is felt in your body when you think this thought? Doubt / Concern or Unsure?
A's: which actions do you do when you feel this particular E.
R: What result do you create when you do these A's? Remember that your R proves your T right.
Then you do another model for each T from your TD.
I would suggest you do these models and post again in Coach Corner so we can look at it and coach you, so you feel confident in your skills.
This is the most important step of this program! We want you to be successful, so please keep coming back!
Good work, sister!
Feeling my hunger
Back story: I've done it all.... but my most vivid "diet" that comes up in my brain is one I have heard from an ex-coworker. She told me only to eat one sandwich (any kind) a day. Then the rest of the day, drink red bulls.....!!!! I did, and I was very active and at my thinnest and drinking cases of Red Bull a day. I've also done the whole fasting thing... and shakes, WW, Adkins, etc...
But now yearrrrrrs later and working with Stephanie, I'm trying to feel my hunger, and my mind goes directly to caffeine!! carbs!! sugar!! And I don't have an appetite.
Also have been recently in the process of figuring out my stomach pain, I have an appointment with the gas Dr. and I'm pretty sure I have an ulcer.
So there's that issue too. HELPPP
ANSWER
Hello!
That's a great question.
Based on your question, I will assume you haven't done yet the PEACEFUL COURSE, which teaches you exactly how to find your hunger and practice food habituation. So I will coach you from being in CONFIDENT knowingly you will go deeper as you unlock PEACEFUL.
First and foremost, you need to work on your mindset around hunger. You have a lot of thoughts about your hunger, and none of them are facts. Use the self-coaching model inside CONFIDENT to work thru these:
C: MY HUNGER
TD:
I'm trying to feel my hunger
My mind directs me to caffeine, carb, and sugar
Caffeine is bad
Carbs are bad
Sugar is bad
I shouldn't desire carbs, caffeine or sugar
I don't have an appetite.
All of these are thoughts, not facts. These thoughts are what creates your feeling of despair when it comes to your hunger.
You'll need to create a new thought of your hunger to help you create new results.
Now, when we first start the process of learning to let go of dieting, food rule, and good and bad food, it's normal to feel lost when it comes to food choices.
We have three eating cues: hunger, fullness, and satisfaction. Knowing WHAT to eat relies on the satisfaction cue.
As we begin our journey, the first step is to take time to feel our cues, even if the signals are really faith at first. When the thought comes to your mind to eat or that you feel a faith signal of hunger... Take a breath. Perhaps even place both of your hands on your stomach and apply slight pressure so you can feel your hands on your stomach. And the, ask yourself these two questions (in your mind or out loud) 1) What would make me feel satisfied right now? 2) What do I want to eat?
Again, at the start of the recovery process from dieting, your brain will want everything that you have restricted at first. That's 100% normal. Your brain is testing you... it wants to know that you will really not restrict again any food. So your mind goes to what was restricted and testing the water... Will you really allow yourself to eat anything? Allowing all food is key.
Once you made your choice of WHAT to eat, being present with the eating experience is key. Be present with the eating and food. Eat Mindfully. Pay attention to how the food feels after eating. Does it serve you?
Let us know how it goes. Good work for showing up and asking for help!
Fatphobia
ANSWER
Good day! This is a powerful question... and top of mind to most of our members. I wanted to answer this question in depth so we spent 30 minutes of our most recent Live Coaching Call to explain the solution step by step with one of our members.
I use the whiteboard and work through with examples on how to resolve this situation.
Please go to the Recordings page > Collective Coaching Call > November 19, 2020.
Meta-Thoughts
ANSWER
To get us started on a strategy to help you process "stacking feelings" is to understand why it happens. So, the starting point is to remember that our emotions are created by our thoughts. 1 thought creates 1 emotion.
From there, let's look at your example: An event happens (trigger), and your brain has an opinion about it, aka a thought. That thought creates the peace.
Then you notice a new set of sensations, and you realize that now you no longer feel peaceful but instead XXX. This means that you have a different thought about the event... a different opinion.
So let me give you an example: Event happens- first thought about it creates peace. Then you replay the event in your mind and analyze differently creates a new thought. Say, your partner buys you a gift for your birthday. At first you feel happy but then as the evening goes along, you start thinking about more and think "she/he could have put more effort into finding me an original gift, "... and then you start experiencing resentment.
I would say you can move to the next Lesson 4 and begin expanding your self-coaching model which will help you put some structure to your "obsession" and make it productive time spent looking into your emotions!
Fast Eating
I would love to hear your thoughts and any suggestions on resources/assistance!
ANSWER
So it would appear that you have a deep belief about yourself that you are a "fast eater" or " a person that inhales her food."
The way to understanding why you have such action is with the self-coaching model. All of our behaviors are created by the way we feel and, therefore, the way we think. So you need to find the thought(s) that create this action.
If you go back to Lesson 2 of CONFIDENT and in the worksheet "Your Confidence Storylines," we teach you how your brain functions. On p.1 we show you the complete self-coaching model:
C: eating
TD:
I'm a fast eater
I inhale my food
???
???
??
??
T: I'm a fast eater
F: _____ (Anxious? Shame? Anger?)
A: I'm not present with the eating experience, I distract myself, so I don't feel the X emotion (Shame?), I'm not present with my food, I numb myself by eating too much.
R: I move through the eating experience quickly.
One point to sit with and reflect is that, like every other human, you were born an intuitive eater and mindful eater. Along the way, someone (seems to be your mom's) told you words (thoughts) about your eating, and you took this person's words as a fact . At a young age, it's normal that we believe other people's words and take them as facts. Today, as a grown up, you no longer need to take these words as a fact... you can change this belief (perspective) what is represented in "Your Confidence Storylines" worksheet as perspective.
So it would appear that you've been holding this belief that produces thought(s) that make you feel X and the response to this feeling is A; mindless eating. R: I eat fast.
I hope this makes sense. If not, ask another question!
Once you work through your unintentional model to fully understand what is happening, you can create a new way of thinking, following Lesson 6 of Confident.
Hope this helps you!
Where can I find the intentional self-coaching model?
ANSWER
This is the moment you've been waiting for: How to change your thoughts, so you can feel better, take more productive actions, and create the result you want in your life!
The unintentional model is the observation of how you think to create your results currently in your life. If you don't like the result, you've been thinking unintentionally. Intentional thinking is about acknowledging that the way you think creates your results, so now you will start thinking intentionally.
Once you find the thought that creates the results you want in life, you need to practice these thoughts regularly. This way, your brain will get to produce this new intentional thought first when faced with the C instead of the old unintentional thought.