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What are considered “events” in the Confident worksheets?
ANSWER
Hello!
Great question! You are learning quickly. Yes, you want to think of the Event as C: Circumstance. We refer to C: Circumstance in the first few session to help students understand the trigger to their emotions.
So yes, three events to work through in the model:
Trigger:
Sensations:
Emotion:
So, for example, here a few event:
Event: Doing my emails this morning.
Trigger: reading email from Jane
Sensations:
Emotion:
Events: Dinner with the family
Trigger: comment about my food from my partner
Sensations:
Emotion:
I hope this helps!
Liberate – Watch all at once?
ANSWER
Hello!
Thank you for pointing this out to us.
We will need to investigate this as Stephanie’s intention was only the Lesson 1 video, the historical timelines of Diet Culture.
This video is much longer than the other lessons before. She wanted to make sure students had enough time to plan when they started this first Lesson of Liberate.
The intention is always that you watch at your own leisure!
Ready to give up
However, I know I am still overeating a lot which worries me. I had the expectation that at some point, I will be able to eat when hungry and stop when full.
C: C&T program
T: Doing this for 2 months now, seeing results that I am the heaviest I've been in 10 years
T: This program is full of ready-made T like "your weight has no impact on your health" or "this is because of patriarchy and diet culture"
T: I allow myself to eat everything I want but I still overeat at almost every meal.
T: Again another thing, I had so many expectations
T: All the coaching is about always the same model.
F: Disappointed
A: Want to give up. Listening to audio but not into it. Lost in what to do next and what to practice. Don't want to do the work and invest my time, eat everything I want.
R: I create the reality that this will not work for me
ANSWER
Hello!
First, I want to start by saying that "What is happening to you right now, It's 100% normal. The process of reacquainting yourself with your intuitive eater is not easy for most women.
Then, I want you to smile and tell yourself nothing has gone wrong!
Since your brain is not liking to be coached using the self-coaching model, I will offer you long-form in a few areas:
Why are you doing this?
The goal of unlearning diet culture is to claim back our power over our own bodies. We start with food using the process of intuitive eating using our eating cues.
You were born an intuitive eater up to the day where you started your first diet… Then the process of dieting robbed you from this beautiful connection of trust and respect with your body.
Are you willing to take the bodyweight off the table and make this an experience about trusting and respecting your body?
Are you willing to work on developing a relationship with your body of unconditional support and partnership?
When you say you had “expectations”, truly these are expectations for your body. And “once more” it may sound like you think your body has failed you because it didn’t stabilize in 2 months.
What if with every program the issue was never your body but your expectations towards your body?
Here’s the big question:
What if you had no expectations towards your body but only acceptance, trust, and respect? What would happen then?
Private Podcast #19 HEALING IS NOT LINEAR & #39 DOING HARD THINGS will help you with this.
Worries about overeating
You say you are worried about overeating…
What exactly are you worried about? Name it.
The model you have provided has one potential answer:
Fear of Current Body Weight
The internalized fear of fatness is rearing "its ugly nose” and as a consequence, you are not trusting your body.
I suggest, work on body acceptance as a way to stop worrying about overeating and slowing down the pendulum swing. (go back and watch Lesson 4 where we teach about the pendulum swing)
With patience, this thought, “I had the expectation that at some point, I will be able to eat when hungry and stop when full.“ will become reality BUT not in the space of wanting to control your body.
You and your body will naturally want to eat when hungry and eat to fullness not because you have to but because you want to. Your body will have the trust in you that never again will you restrict food and whenever it needs food, you will provide it; so no need to “overeat”.
We have a great podcast on this process of change.
Private podcast #13 THE PROCESS OF CHANGE.
It will help you tremendously.
Next steps
Remember nothing has gone wrong… everything is going exactly as it should. Your body is working to trust you and you need to continue to work on trusting your body. I think what is really holding you back is the internalized fear of fatness (internalized fatphobia).
That’s the part where you need to work on. The only way to work on accepting your body is by examining your thoughts and changing them.
We recently hosted a clinic on “Normalizing Weight Gain” you may want to watch it and work thru the exercises it will help you process body acceptance faster.
Private podcast #24 “NEVER LOSING WEIGHT AGAIN? & NAVIGATING DIET CULTURE WITH MY FAMILY” and #23 FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE IN MY BODY may also help you.
I would also highly suggest that you register for live coaching with Stephanie so she can work this LIVE with you.
You can do this, my sister! You can do hard things and create the relationship of peace with food and liberation with your body that you deserve. We are right here behind you cheering you up! We are holding the possibility. There’s no other possibility, I mean going back on a diet? Nahhh because you know that doesn’t work.
Go out and try this and report back! We will be right here for you.
Difficulties feeling my fullness
I only feel full when I am too full after a meal (not comfortable).
When I ask myself, "How does my fullness feel during meals?" I can't really identify any difference in my body.
Any advice or exercise I can do to connect with my fullness? Thanks
ANSWER
Hello!
This is a very frequent question and we have lots of resources for you!
First, I want to start by letting you know that this is totally normal. That experience about difficulty feeling your fullness at first. Nothing has gone wrong!
For years, maybe even decades, you have not allowed yourself to feel full and when you did, you likely were overeating/ binge post dieting. Right now your body is trying to reignite the feeling of fullness.
Next, I want you to visualize your fullness like the “pilot light” on a gas stove, it’s burning but the dial is off.
With patience & self-compassion, you will get better at being attuned to your body signals. Now, one thing that happens very often is that women are “afraid” of overeating so they harbor every unproductive thought letting themselves experience fullness.
Then, Be sure that you have cleaned your thoughts about fullness via self-coaching and neutralized fullness in your thoughts. This is the huge part of the play: Is your body trusting you that you will NEVER AGAIN restrict food?
Lastly, Our body wisdom has to rebuild trust towards us as well…. We play yo-yo with them for so long that your body may still be thinking that you will restrict again so it doesn’t take a chance and retrain signals of fullness so you eat in preparation for the next starvation period.
Fullness requires us to feel full.
Here are exercises for fullness:
1. Go back to the Lesson 3 worksheet and rework your hunger and fullness scale. Experiment with eating a few meals and play with your fullness. You will need to experiment with eating intentionally past fullness so you can feel what fullness feels like in your body.
2. Pick a day and meal to experiment with. Make sure you have lots of time available and you are in good mood. Come into the meal at a good hunger level 5-6.
3. Place a regular amount of food on your plate and then had 50% more.
4. Sit down and commit to eating consciously and mindfully. Using the audio from lesson 3, eat 25% of your meal. Stop feeling your body, pay attention to your thoughts and emotions. Fullness is not always physical, for some, it can be via thoughts and emotions. This is how your scale 7 feels. Take notes.
5. Eat again another 25% of your plate… Stop feeling your body, pay attention to your thoughts and emotions. Fullness is not always physical, for some, it can be via thoughts and emotions. This is how your scale 8 feels. Take notes.
6. Continue these cycles of eating and stop until you hit 9 on the fullness scale and you can’t eat… Now eating consciously should take at least 10-15 minutes!
I would also recommend you to listen to the private podcast #20 Q&A: I NEVER FEEL HUNGRY & I DON’T FEEL FULL UNTIL IT’S TOO LATE & #28-Q&A: EATING PAST FULLNESS & LINK BETWEEN CONFIDENCE AT WORK & BODY IMAGE where Stephanie answered questions about fullness.
Also in Lesson 6 of Peaceful Stephanie has recorded short videos about the top 20 questions with intuitive eating. The videos about “being afraid of the pendulum swing” and “Once I start eating.. I can’t stop” might be good for you also.
Go out and try this and report back!
Self-Coaching Model #2
C: Eating after work
T: I have to reward myself
F: Confused
A: When I feel confused, I get anxious, and then I eat to calm my anxiousness.
When I feel confused, I avoid looking after myself because I am so consumed by wanting the feelings of confusion to go away.
R: I numb out with food to avoid the uncomfortable feeling
C: Eating after work
T: Got through the shift, all the clients like me.
F: Relief and Depleted
A: Sit down; after sorting everyone else out emotionally, I have nothing left for me
R: Numb out with food that doesn't make me feel good.
C: Eating after work
T: It's just a habit
F: Resigned
A: When I feel resigned, I just think, well, this is my usual and sort of give up on myself because I want to push away the thoughts of feeling like I can't do better.
R: I numb out with food that doesn't make me feel good.
C: Eating after work
T: I can't change
F: Disappointed
A: When I feel disappointed, I want to avoid and try to get rid of that feeling that doesn't make me feel good. I would expect myself to react with numbing.
R: I numb out with food that doesn't make me feel good.
Thank you for taking a look at these unintentional models...
ANSWER
Hello!
Great work showing for coaching.
The structure of the model is great!
C: is neutral
T: are clear and single.
F: Clear and single.
Where we have opportunities is in the A & R lines which are totally expected for beginners. Your brain is not used to seeing and accepting that you create your own R with your own A’s.
In the A line, you need to have more depth. Your ability to see what A your F are causing is the key to changing the R. By depth, I mean a deeper number of actions. Remember that actions are in the moment, after and also inaction. Actions are NOT feelings or thoughts.
This model, for example:
C: Eating after work
T: I have to reward myself
F: Confused
A: When I feel confused, I get anxious and then I eat to calm my anxiousness. When I feel confused, I avoid looking after myself because I am so consumed by wanting the feelings of confusion to go away.
R: I numb out with food to avoid the uncomfortable feeling
What you were really saying is this:
C: Eating after work
T: I have to reward myself
F: Confused
A: I numb my feelings using food (I get anxious, and then I eat to calm my anxiousness), I avoid looking at myself … what else? What is going on in your mind during the numbing? What goes on 1 hr after numbing using food? What else are you avoiding? How are your relationships impacted? How is your self-care impacted? Dig deeper.
On the R line: Remember the R proves the T right. The R will be easier to see once you have a deeper understanding of the A line. Start with I create….
On the same model, I’d suggest an R but might be wrong since I do not have a full view of your A’s: and also, I don’t clearly understand how the T “I have to reward myself “ creates confusion for you. What are you confused about?
Again, hard for us to do because we are not in your mind, but it will be something like this:
R: I create the reality that I have to reward myself (it will be more precise once you are clear on why you are confused and more depth in your A line).
So my suggestions are:
1- check-in will your feeling to each T. Is that the right feeling?
2- Expand your A’s.
3- Rewrite your R line based on coaching, and you can resubmit for coaching.
Fear of rejection
Through the thought work on eating, I've identified that I have a fear of being judged.
It shows up not only in eating but also in all aspects of my life.
I see a duality in knowing that only my thoughts can impact me and not others, but I do not know how to get out of this fear of judgement.
Intellectually I get it but I am stuck on how to integrate that as a new thought or what intentional thought to practice to liberate myself from the fear of judgement.
C: People
T: I should not care about other people's thoughts or judgment about me and about what I do. I am doing the work to focus on what makes me happy, and that's what should be more important.
F: Vulnerable
A: distancing from people, not reaching out to friends, spending time alone with dogs, numbing when feeling lonely, overthinking how and what I share on social media, creating art because it make some happy and immediately thinking if this will be appreciated.
R: I create the reality that people can affect me
Thank you.
ANSWER
Hello!
I think this is great work… you have discovered an important part of your belief system that has been creating a lot of your thoughts. I think this is a celebration for you and big #win!
Sounds like you have a belief: Other people's opinions are more important than my own opinion or Other people's opinions matter more than my own. Do you have your own opinion of yourself?
Remember, a belief is simply a thought we have been thinking for a long time. I would suggest you listen to Going Beyond The Food podcast #249 Good Girl Syndrome… you'll see that most women have been indoctrinated in the exact same thought as you. This indoctrination is by design to keep women insecure.
So now that you know, you simply need to change this thought. That's where Intentional Thinking comes in. I'd suggest starting with a narrow scope like C: Eating and then expand to other C in your life until you are so grounded into the thought: The only option that counts is my own.
C: Eating
T:
F: Confident
A's
R:
I am feeling generally a bit blue
Do you have any suggestions for working with this in the context of the program? It is unusual for me not to be “doing” my way out of the feeling.
I am actually okay accepting that this is just where I am at the moment but I am unclear about when I may tip in to a wallowing stage.
ANSWER
This is an excellent advanced question for an advanced student. Let’s do this.
Let’s do some basics first:
We know that emotions are the consequence of our thoughts.
We know that inaction is an action caused by our feeling.
So what you are feeling right now is caused by your thoughts.
We know there’s a C that is neutral that your brain is giving a meaning to. This meaning to the neutral C is your thoughts which then cause the “ feeling of down.”
This “ feeling down” is causing you to have inaction “not working my way out of the feeling.”
With that in mind, we can use the self-coaching model to investigate. I think this is the case of two models running concurrently.
The first one is the model with the C that created the unnamed emotion you describe as feeling down, and the second model is you processing this emotion and judging yourself for “wallowing.”
C: X
T:x,x,x,x
F: X ( feeling down)
A: Wallowing
R:
C: Feeling X ( feeling down)
T: I’m wallowing. It is unusual for me not to be “doing” my way out of the feeling,
I am actually okay accepting that this is just where I am at the moment,
I am unclear about when I may tip into a wallowing stage.
F: Doubt, xoxo,
A:
R:
The first place to start with is identifying the name of the feeling. Go back to your Hoofman list of feelings. Close your eyes and label the sensations, and attached a name to the emotion.
Second, complete the second model…
and then reverse engendered the first model and determine what C it is and complete the model.
I would also suggest you watch the Conquer Emotional Eating workshop (in the vault) and fast forward to the section where Stephanie teaches in more depth about emotions. Stephanie introduces a concept called the Riding the Wave”. It will help you understand what is happening right now.
Good work, sister!
Habituation – Intentional model
C: Habituation Exercise
T: When I show up to do the work in C & T, I'm releasing myself from the shackles of diet culture.
F: I feel courageous, I feel authentic
A: I participate in life, I keep routine, I carry out tasks, work, my hobbies, and move.
R: I am present in my life and in my relationships.
It sounds a little woolly, but I think I mean that when I do the exercise and do the work, I come out of my head and into the real world. And while that's not always perfect, it's more authentic and grounding?? I get away from just being obsessed by the battle of food and become involved with more interesting, more real things.
ANSWER
Hello sister!
Good work showing for coaching, and you have the right framework; just needs tweaking.
Self-coaching differs greatly from positive thinking in which it requires us to get really specific about the T we are trying to change. The first stage of self-coaching is about the unintentional thinking and identify the T's and belief about the C that do not gives us the R we desire.
When we move to next stage, which is intentional thinking, we need to get a specific T about the C that will create the 1 F we need to feel in order to produce the A's that will unfold the R.
When I look at your intentional model, you have 2 T's and 2 F's. This tells me you have not yet identify the T that's causing the problem (unintentional models) so you are bringing this confusion to the intentional models with 2 T's and therefore 2 F's.
What are you really afraid of about the habituation process? What's troubling you? When I go back on your last coaching request, it was about being out of control, not trusting your body, wanting to control your emotions, etc… Yet the current intentional T is about "C&T" as a whole and diet culture. That's the real problem here!
So you need to go back to your unintentional model and really sit with it and determine the unintentional T you want to work on. To help you with this, I'd suggest going back to Confident Lesson 6 and follow the step-by-step process to build your intentional model in the worksheet "change your thought; Change your life."
Hope this helps!
Practice with the Coaching Model
C Beginning to do online teaching with a co-teacher
TD:
I would be good enough. She has a PhD. I won't be able to handle all of the aspects of the computer. I will look like a fool to my co-teacher and students.
T: I can't do this. helpless
F: I experience a great deal of tension in my neck and shoulders.
A: Kill myself in an effort to perform well.
R: Take way too much time to work on this, which takes time away from all other aspects of my life.
ANSWER
Hello!
I'm glad you showed up for coaching!
First off, this is really well done… 80% there! Let's look at each line.
C is neutral.
You have TD. Single thought. Clear concise thoughts.
Now, where the opportunity for you is when you are breaking down each T from your TD. The first model you gave us is not a T from your TD and includes an emotion.
C Beginning to do online teaching with a co-teacher
TD I would be good enough.
She has a PhD.
I won't be able to handle all of the aspects of the computer.
I will look like a fool to my co-teacher and students.
I can't do this.
T I can't do this.
F: helpless
The tension your feel in your neck is the precursor sensation, not the actual feeling.
Next is the A line… You need to dig deeper in action, reaction, inaction that happen before, during and after the online teaching. I like to use the precursor: When I feel X, how do I react? What do I avoid?
Also, your current R is actually an action.
T I can't do this.
F: helpless
A: over-perform -Kill myself in an effort to perform well, overprepare -Take way too much time to work on this
Did you over-prepare? How did you react after class? Did you over-analyze your performance? Did you ruminate on all the "bad"? Did you blame others? Did you fall into numbing habits?
Your R proves your T right. If you think you can't do this, you will either not do it or overanalyze it, ruminate on it or spend so much time on it that you will come to the conclusion that you are not good enough to do this "normally".
T I can't do this.
F: helpless
A: over-perform -Kill myself in an effort to perform well, over=prepare -Take way too much time to work on this
R: You prove to yourself you can't do this.
Hope this helps you. Next for you is to breakdown each T in your TD in an individual model. From there, you will be able to see patterns in T and A and identify the real issue. Then you'll be able to determine what you need to think intentionally to change the R for this C.
T: I would be good enough.
F:
A:
R:
T: She has a PhD.
F:
A:
R:
T: I won't be able to handle all of the aspects of the computer.
F:
A:
R:
T: I will look like a fool to my co-teacher and students.
F:
A:
R:
Resubmit when you have all your models are done and your intentional models, and we will review them with you.
Self-coaching model
Unintentional model
C: Eating emotionally
TD: I do it every time, after work. I have to sit down and reward myself with a sugary snack for a job well done. Sometimes I don’t even enjoy the snack. It is just a habit. Why can’t I change the habit?
T: I need a reward after work
F: Anticipation
A: As soon as I get in, I find a sugary snack
R: I eat a sugary snack as a reward
Intentional Model
C: Eating emotionally
T: I need a reward after work
F: Anticipation
A: Yes, I do need a reward, but can I think of something other than a sugary snack? Maybe some essential oils?
R: I reward myself without food. If I am not hungry, using my essential oils, I feel better within myself.
Thank you.
ANSWER
Hello!
Great work showing up... The first place I want to start is the C: Emotional eating. Right now, that's not neutral for you... based on your model that something is "bad".
I would suggest using C: Eating after work.
The TD is good, but I think there is more… It almost sounds like a journaling extract than a thought download. Separate each element of opinion in a separate thought. I attempted to do this below. Also, a question is not a thought. Questions typically hide a truth we don't want to see…
Also, The A line is not comprehensive enough. You need to dig deeper and see all that this emotion creates for yourself. What you do and don't do as a result of feeling this way.
The R line is not accurate in the 1 model you have submitted. The R proves the T right. Now the R line will be difficult to see if you don't have an awareness of all the A that your emotions create for you.
Here's a revised view on your 1 model submitted:
T: I need a reward after work
F: Anticipation
A: As soon as I get in, I find a sugary snack. I eat so fast that I don't taste the food. The first thing I know is I want more because I never actually enjoy the food, I'm not present in my body, I use food to numb out my exhaustion, I avoid seeing how I really feel about my work, I overthink about everything else that needs to be done now that I'm home, I overthink about how tired i'm, etc….
R: I don't care for myself; create the need for rewards to fuel an empty tank.
Not sure if this is accurate…
What I suggest you do is to complete a model for each thought in your TD according to the coaching and guidance in CONFIDENT Lesson 2. Go and pull the worksheet and use the helpful questions to help you dig deeper.
Submit these models for coaching.
Figure out the real issue… it's never food!
T: I do it every time
F:
A:
R:
C: Eating after work.
T: I have to reward myself
F:
A:
R:
C: Eating after work.
T: It has to be sugary food
F:
A:
R:
C: Eating after work.
T: Sometimes I don't even enjoy it
F:
A:
R:
C: Eating after work.
T: it's just a habit
F:
A:
R:
C: Eating after work.
T: I can't change
F:
A:
R: