C: I’m hungry but don’t find what I have on hand appealing.
T: I should eat my leftovers. I just want bread and cheese. I need to eat more vegetables with my meals. I don’t know how to eat a balanced meal. I love to cook but don’t feel like making it myself.
F: guilt, shame, frustration, anxiety
A: I order take-out or go buy fast food (for lunch).
R: I eat out more often than enjoy my own meals.
C: Work was exhausting, and I gave all my energy to complete my day.
T: I am always tired. My mind is numb. I don’t feel like I actually made progress in my work. I don’t like my job. I’m tired of being on phones all day. I feel stuck in customer service.
F: bored, frustrated, drained, unfulfilled, empty
Actions: mindless eating, numbing in front of the tv, taking naps, not leaving the house, craving sweets/junk food
Result: My job is not a good fit for my personality and energy levels.
Am I on the right track? I’m trying to keep a notebook by me as I work to jot down triggers/circumstances etc., as they happen, and set aside some time in the evenings to read them and do this practice to have active time with my brain, my feelings, and thoughts.
ANSWER
Hi there.
Sister, your models are off to a good start. Let’s get specific about the structure so that you can gain more clarity as you continue to build and work on them.
The self-coaching model helps you see how your thoughts create your reality. Let’s look at the model:
• Circumstance (C): is a fact about a situation outside your immediate control. It is neutral.
• Thought Download (TD): All the thoughts you have about the circumstance
• Thought (T): The story you have about the circumstance. This will often have a descriptor in it and lead to a feeling in your body, which differentiates it from a circumstance.
• Feeling (F): Physical sensations in your body, which lead to actions or inactions.
• Action (A): How you behave based on your thoughts and feelings about a circumstance (this could be multiple behaviours).
• Result (R): The outcome of your thought, feeling and actions/ inactions, as they relate to the circumstance. The result is related to you.
Going back to your first model on food. Your C is currently a thought. Using “I’m” and “don’t find what I have on hand appealing” are your thoughts about hunger. Perhaps hunger is the word you’re looking for. Your TD is missing. All the thoughts you have on your T line make up your TD, so merge them under TD. The next step is to individualize each thought to clearly see how specific thoughts lead to specific feelings. Then, I’d like to invite you to explore the A-line further. What other actions do you take apart from ordering take-out?
Once you revise your model and individualize those feelings, you’ll start to see your actions more clearly. Here’s a simple place to start:
C: hunger
TD: I’m hungry. I don’t find what I have on hand appealing. I should eat my leftovers. I just want bread and cheese. I need to eat more vegetables with my meals. I don’t know how to eat a balanced meal. I love to cook but don’t feel like making it myself.
T: I’m hungry.
F:…..
A’s:….
R:… .
T: I don’t find what I have on hand appealing.
F:…
A’s:…
R:… .
T: I should eat leftovers.
F:…
A’s:…
R:…
Continue to work through all the thoughts and complete the model. Repeat the same process for your model on work.
Feel free to share your revised model for coaching.