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From when I was a small child to today, I have always hated my face.

Over the years, I have spent hours and hours despising my appearance. I spend a lot of time looking in the mirror, using my fingers to chop off my large cheeks. When I was a child, people always remarked how fat my face was. From then till even now, my face disgusts me, and I imagine men are also disgusted by my face, and just my face is enough for them to ignore or insult me .

Yesterday, I was making a “how-to” video for my clients, and when I was editing, I was repulsed by my face and considered not showing my face on my next video.
It’s a 50-year-old thought, feeling, action, result cycle. I know it is stopping me from carrying out confident actions. I want to liberate myself, I need to do an intentional model, but when I approach it, I feel tearful and want to sleep so I can hide.


Hello! Congratulations for showing up for coaching on this very emotional circumstance in your life. Good work, sister!

The first thing I want to say is that it’s normal that you feel paralyzed in the face of this situation. It’s been with you for 50 years, so feeling disgusted by your face is your comfort zone. Your brain knows that changing the thought, “I hate my face,” means moving out of your comfort zone and evolving. All of this is normal and a clue that you actually are doing something powerful!

So let’s do this: The circumstance here for this is: my face.

C: My face

Next, you’ll need to do a complete thought download. Grab a piece of paper, and over a few days, take all the thoughts you have about your face (or words you heard other people say) and put it on paper.

C: My face

Look at these thoughts and remind yourself that these are thoughts, not facts.

Next, you can model out the 3 main thoughts. Let’s do one so you can see the flow.

C: My face
T: I hate my face
F: disgust
A’s: Overthink all the reasons why my face is ugly / Ruminate on childhood memories when an adult told me my face was fat / Overthink about old childhood memories and use them as evidence to prove how ugly my face is / spend time in front of a mirror picking at each part of my face I hate / Avoid showing my face on video / Disrupt my service to my client by not showing fully / Impact my business by not showing up fully / I avoid dealing with this issue for 50 years
R: I find plenty of evidence of how ugly my face is and continue to create evidence for myself of how problematic my face is.

Now…The intentional model. We recommend starting by emotion or action line. This is a case of emotion first!

The way we teach body image is by first aiming for neutrality, not love. So pick an emotion that reflects being neutral. We’ll go with calm for now.

C: My face
T: ____________
F: Calm
A’s: __________, ________________, ____________
R: ________

Next, ask yourself how you would act if you felt calm when seeing your face in the mirror? Fill in A line.

C: My face
T: ____________
F: Calm
A’s: Film video for client with face on / look at myself in mirror without emphasizing part i do not like / ……
R: ________

What do you need to think about your face to feel calm? Know that you are not going to feel calm now… but in the future, you will after rewiring your brain to this new thought.

The concept of body neutrality teaches us that the reason why we have a body is not for appearance and beauty but rather for function. Our face function is to eat / breathe / and communicate our emotions to others. Period. Your face is not an ornament.

A basic thought could be: I have a human face.

This is what your intentional model could look like.

C: My face
T: I have a human face
F: Calm
A’s: Film video for a client with face on / look at myself in the mirror without emphasizing the part I do not like /…
R: I interact with my face as with any other part of my body for its function.

Next, I would suggest a thought ladder to help modulate your brain into believing and feeling calm this new thought. I’d suggest you review Confident Lesson 7.

Goal thought: I have a human face.
Ladder: I have a human face to be used for function, not beauty.
Ladder 2: I’m becoming a woman who engages with her face neutrally.
Ladder 3: It’s possible for me to be neutral about my face in the future.
Ladder 2: It’s possible that my brain is lying to me when it’s telling me my face is ugly as a fact.
Ladder 1: There are other humans with fat face that are neutral about their face.
Current thought: I hate my face.

That’s it. Simple! Keep us posted on how your practice goes!