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I’m working on my model on failure. The fear of failure is keeping me stuck over the years. I think it’s the underlying cause of my poor self-esteem.

C: failure
TD: I’m not good enough
I don’t belong to the group
Nobody will like me
I will not be loved
I’m stupid
I will be alone
I will be laughed up on
I will stand out; people will see me
I will not get attention
It will go from small to bigger; everything will fail
I’m an imposter
I’m a bad girl.

T: Nobody will like me
F: Isolated
A: I hide, I procrastinate, I don’t start, I don’t go through with it, I don’t choose
R: I don’t do the things I want

T: I’m stupid
F: Ashamed
A: I keep everything to myself, I don’t ask for help, I overwhelm myself with more and more information – but never apply, I overthink, I ruminate, distraction, numbing
R: No change in what I want to achieve

T: It will go from small to worse
F: Anxious
A: Perfectionism, do it by the rules, go for all the details, go for it 200%
R: give up on everything.

I find this hard; my brain doesn’t like to go here. I struggle with the intentional model
C: failure
T: It’s an opportunity to grow
F: Encouraged
A: I would try a different approach, I would see what I can change, what I could do differently
R: I can grow

Thought ladder
I look forward to failure so I can grow from it
I embrace failure as an opportunity to grow
I’m learning to embrace failure as an opportunity to grow
I’m open to believing I CAN embrace failure
I can become a person who believes I can embrace failure
There are people in the world who embrace failure and look forward to it
It is possible that my brain is not reliable when it tells me that I’m incapable of dealing with failure in my life
Current thought: I’m convinced that I must avoid failure at all costs.

Any thoughts? Am I on the right track?



First off, give yourself a big hell yes!!! You faced one of your biggest fears heads on! So proud of you.

Yes, you are on the right path! 100% on the right track.

It’s not supposed to be easy, but you did it! You pushed your brain to go where it didn’t want to go. You recognized that “hard” means growth and you kept working on your self-coaching even if it was a struggle. Well done, sister!

Your intentional model and ladder are perfect! Because it’s a “Core belief” that you have dragged on with you for years, you have staged your ladder very slowly, which will make your brain accept the new way of thinking about failure easier and faster.

Now the key is for you to practice the new unintentional thought step by step until it feels neutral. Then move up!

Well done, and keep us posted as you change your belief about failure. If you haven’t yet listened to podcast #249 from The Going Beyond The Food Show – “The Good Girl Syndrome,” it may help your brain see this process with more compassion.

Good work, sister!