I am having issues feeling my fullness.


I only feel full when I am too full after a meal (not comfortable).


When I ask myself, "How does my fullness feel during meals?" I can't really identify any difference in my body.


Any advice or exercise I can do to connect with my fullness? Thanks


ANSWER


Hello!


This is a very frequent question and we have lots of resources for you!

First, I want to start by letting you know that this is totally normal. That experience about difficulty feeling your fullness at first. Nothing has gone wrong!


For years, maybe even decades, you have not allowed yourself to feel full and when you did, you likely were overeating/ binge post dieting. Right now your body is trying to reignite the feeling of fullness.

Next, I want you to visualize your fullness like the “pilot light” on a gas stove, it’s burning but the dial is off.

With patience & self-compassion, you will get better at being attuned to your body signals. Now, one thing that happens very often is that women are “afraid” of overeating so they harbor every unproductive thought letting themselves experience fullness.

Then, Be sure that you have cleaned your thoughts about fullness via self-coaching and neutralized fullness in your thoughts. This is the huge part of the play: Is your body trusting you that you will NEVER AGAIN restrict food?

Lastly, Our body wisdom has to rebuild trust towards us as well…. We play yo-yo with them for so long that your body may still be thinking that you will restrict again so it doesn’t take a chance and retrain signals of fullness so you eat in preparation for the next starvation period.

Fullness requires us to feel full.

Here are exercises for fullness:

1. Go back to the Lesson 3 worksheet and rework your hunger and fullness scale. Experiment with eating a few meals and play with your fullness. You will need to experiment with eating intentionally past fullness so you can feel what fullness feels like in your body.

2. Pick a day and meal to experiment with. Make sure you have lots of time available and you are in good mood. Come into the meal at a good hunger level 5-6.

3. Place a regular amount of food on your plate and then had 50% more.

4. Sit down and commit to eating consciously and mindfully. Using the audio from lesson 3, eat 25% of your meal. Stop feeling your body, pay attention to your thoughts and emotions. Fullness is not always physical, for some, it can be via thoughts and emotions. This is how your scale 7 feels. Take notes.

5. Eat again another 25% of your plate… Stop feeling your body, pay attention to your thoughts and emotions. Fullness is not always physical, for some, it can be via thoughts and emotions. This is how your scale 8 feels. Take notes.

6. Continue these cycles of eating and stop until you hit 9 on the fullness scale and you can’t eat… Now eating consciously should take at least 10-15 minutes!

I would also recommend you to listen to the private podcast #20 Q&A: I NEVER FEEL HUNGRY & I DON’T FEEL FULL UNTIL IT’S TOO LATE & #28-Q&A: EATING PAST FULLNESS & LINK BETWEEN CONFIDENCE AT WORK & BODY IMAGE where Stephanie answered questions about fullness.

Also in Lesson 6 of Peaceful Stephanie has recorded short videos about the top 20 questions with intuitive eating. The videos about “being afraid of the pendulum swing” and “Once I start eating.. I can’t stop” might be good for you also.

Go out and try this and report back!

Thank you for your earlier coaching. Following are the thoughts broken down:

C: Eating after work
T: I have to reward myself
F: Confused
A: When I feel confused, I get anxious, and then I eat to calm my anxiousness.
When I feel confused, I avoid looking after myself because I am so consumed by wanting the feelings of confusion to go away.
R: I numb out with food to avoid the uncomfortable feeling

C: Eating after work
T: Got through the shift, all the clients like me.
F: Relief and Depleted
A: Sit down; after sorting everyone else out emotionally, I have nothing left for me
R: Numb out with food that doesn't make me feel good.

C: Eating after work
T: It's just a habit
F: Resigned
A: When I feel resigned, I just think, well, this is my usual and sort of give up on myself because I want to push away the thoughts of feeling like I can't do better.
R: I numb out with food that doesn't make me feel good.

C: Eating after work
T: I can't change
F: Disappointed
A: When I feel disappointed, I want to avoid and try to get rid of that feeling that doesn't make me feel good. I would expect myself to react with numbing.
R: I numb out with food that doesn't make me feel good.

Thank you for taking a look at these unintentional models...

ANSWER

Hello!

Great work showing for coaching.

The structure of the model is great!

C: is neutral
T: are clear and single.
F: Clear and single.

Where we have opportunities is in the A & R lines which are totally expected for beginners. Your brain is not used to seeing and accepting that you create your own R with your own A’s.

In the A line, you need to have more depth. Your ability to see what A your F are causing is the key to changing the R. By depth, I mean a deeper number of actions. Remember that actions are in the moment, after and also inaction. Actions are NOT feelings or thoughts.

This model, for example:

C: Eating after work
T: I have to reward myself
F: Confused
A: When I feel confused, I get anxious and then I eat to calm my anxiousness. When I feel confused, I avoid looking after myself because I am so consumed by wanting the feelings of confusion to go away.
R: I numb out with food to avoid the uncomfortable feeling

What you were really saying is this:

C: Eating after work
T: I have to reward myself
F: Confused
A: I numb my feelings using food (I get anxious, and then I eat to calm my anxiousness), I avoid looking at myself … what else? What is going on in your mind during the numbing? What goes on 1 hr after numbing using food? What else are you avoiding? How are your relationships impacted? How is your self-care impacted? Dig deeper.

On the R line: Remember the R proves the T right. The R will be easier to see once you have a deeper understanding of the A line. Start with I create….

On the same model, I’d suggest an R but might be wrong since I do not have a full view of your A’s: and also, I don’t clearly understand how the T “I have to reward myself “ creates confusion for you. What are you confused about?

Again, hard for us to do because we are not in your mind, but it will be something like this:

R: I create the reality that I have to reward myself (it will be more precise once you are clear on why you are confused and more depth in your A line).

So my suggestions are:
1- check-in will your feeling to each T. Is that the right feeling?
2- Expand your A’s.
3- Rewrite your R line based on coaching, and you can resubmit for coaching.

Please could you let me know if these models will help me achieve my aim? Thank you.

Unintentional model
C: Eating emotionally
TD: I do it every time, after work. I have to sit down and reward myself with a sugary snack for a job well done. Sometimes I don’t even enjoy the snack. It is just a habit. Why can’t I change the habit?
T: I need a reward after work
F: Anticipation
A: As soon as I get in, I find a sugary snack
R: I eat a sugary snack as a reward

Intentional Model
C: Eating emotionally
T: I need a reward after work
F: Anticipation
A: Yes, I do need a reward, but can I think of something other than a sugary snack? Maybe some essential oils?
R: I reward myself without food. If I am not hungry, using my essential oils, I feel better within myself.

Thank you.

ANSWER

Hello!

Great work showing up... The first place I want to start is the C: Emotional eating. Right now, that's not neutral for you... based on your model that something is "bad".

I would suggest using C: Eating after work.

The TD is good, but I think there is more… It almost sounds like a journaling extract than a thought download. Separate each element of opinion in a separate thought. I attempted to do this below. Also, a question is not a thought. Questions typically hide a truth we don't want to see…

Also, The A line is not comprehensive enough. You need to dig deeper and see all that this emotion creates for yourself. What you do and don't do as a result of feeling this way.

The R line is not accurate in the 1 model you have submitted. The R proves the T right. Now the R line will be difficult to see if you don't have an awareness of all the A that your emotions create for you.

Here's a revised view on your 1 model submitted:

T: I need a reward after work
F: Anticipation
A: As soon as I get in, I find a sugary snack. I eat so fast that I don't taste the food. The first thing I know is I want more because I never actually enjoy the food, I'm not present in my body, I use food to numb out my exhaustion, I avoid seeing how I really feel about my work, I overthink about everything else that needs to be done now that I'm home, I overthink about how tired i'm, etc….
R: I don't care for myself; create the need for rewards to fuel an empty tank.

Not sure if this is accurate…

What I suggest you do is to complete a model for each thought in your TD according to the coaching and guidance in CONFIDENT Lesson 2. Go and pull the worksheet and use the helpful questions to help you dig deeper.

Submit these models for coaching.

Figure out the real issue… it's never food!

T: I do it every time
F:
A:
R:

C: Eating after work.
T: I have to reward myself
F:
A:
R:

C: Eating after work.
T: It has to be sugary food
F:
A:
R:

C: Eating after work.
T: Sometimes I don't even enjoy it
F:
A:
R:

C: Eating after work.
T: it's just a habit
F:
A:
R:

C: Eating after work.
T: I can't change
F:
A:
R:

I've started Peaceful. I have done the habituation process with my "forbidden" food. I chose food that has always seemed luxurious and expensive and delicious. I bought 3 boxes of the food - chocolates.

I practiced the habituation technique of savouring the food, smelling it, touching it, really tasting it, trying to be present with it. But then I thought, "oh, I can eat all these chocolates because I have unconditional permission to eat them." So I had a few more chocolates - trying to savour them and be present as I ate. But then I thought ok, these are really yummy, and I want more, I have permission to eat as many as I want. So I kept taking the chocolates and ate and ate. By the end of the evening, I started to feel very full, and that night I couldn't sleep very well.

So I'm confused and stuck. How can I process my emotions and also have permission to eat unconditionally. Shouldn't I do one or the other. If I sit with my emotions but just eat chocolate after chocolate because I have permission, where is that getting me? I'm so confused; I feel I'm going to fail all this because no food tastes as good as those chocolates. I have written the 10 principles of intuitive eating down and put them on my wall. If I ask myself, does this food (expensive chocolates) taste good? Yes, they do; nothing tastes as good as they do. What do I want to eat - chocolates. Do they taste good? Hell yes. Am I satisfied? Oh yes, they taste so good.

And since I bought the 3 boxes of chocolates, I decided to buy tubs of ice cream. And I decided I can eat all of this, and yes it tastes amazing. I'll stop now because I'm full. But actually, I'm not satisfied. I need more and more, but also I'm starting to feel ill. And now I don't sleep because I'm too full and have heartburn.

So as I have started Peaceful, my mind has not become peaceful. It has become panic-stricken. Help, I'm stuck.

ANSWER

Hello!

First thing, great work working through habituation. Rest assured, nothing has gone wrong… all that you described is normal, but yes, scary… Rest assured, nothing is wrong. All is good and expected. You have released the restriction, and the "pendulum is swinging." (See Peaceful Lesson 4).

When you stop restricting, you will eat more of the restricted food at first until your body can trust that it will never again be restricted. At that point, the pendulum will stop swinging and eating will regulate.

What seems incorrect is your expectation of the process of habituation.

Be reminded that this is a process and a journey… It sounds like you have done 1 habituation process, and you were expecting your body and yourself to get it "right" the first time. Were you expecting years (maybe decades) of diet mindset, restriction and body distrust to wash away with one session of habituation? If this was your expectation, my sister, I'm afraid to tell you that's "magical thinking."

Habituation takes many repetitions, compassion, grace and patience.

Habituation is about rebuilding trust and respect with your body. It's about teaching your body that never again you will restrict the food, that ongoing, when your body demands to eat the food, it will be made available, that there will never again need to feast on it because it will never be deprived (famine). The longer the restriction was applied to the food, the longer the habituation process will be needed.

You walked into the habituation process with false expectation (magical thinking), and after 1 attempt, your brain is "confused" and "stuck"… you need to do some self-coaching here. Your brain is creating confusion and being stuck as a way of keeping you into your current dieting way of life. Go back and listen to Private Podcast #2 -I'm confused & #6 I'm stuck.

You have a lot of unintentional thoughts about C: Habituation
C: Habituation
TD:
I'm confused
I'm stuck
I'm going to fail
no food tastes as good as those chocolates

Work these thoughts in models and see what they create.

Also, we highly recommend working through habituation with one food at a time. You mention ice cream and chocolate. Pick one and stick with it until you have appeased the "pendulum swing."

The other part is about processing emotions that's a whole separate process that has nothing to do with habituation. Processing emotions happens all day long, every day. You don't want to use your desire to process emotions as permission to restrict food… that's called mental restriction.

The advice from Part 1 of this question... to offer myself some grace and self-compassion around just getting started with learning Intuitive Eating...very well-received, thank you.

Here is my unintentional model around snacking at work in the afternoons:
C: PM snacking
TD:
I am not hungry, so why am I eating this?
I am eating out of habit, and it's a habit I need to break.
I don't feel good eating this food, during or after.
I had a great lunch, and I am "ruining" it with this snacking.
It's totally unnecessary.
I don't want to be constantly reaching for food in the afternoons.
I should be able to resist eating snacks at work in the afternoons or at least just have a small one.
I am doing something wrong here.

T: I should be able to resist eating snacks at work in the afternoons, or at least just have a small one.

F: Frustrated

A: Continue to eat, criticize myself, distract myself

R: I continue snacking in the afternoons at work and feel bad about it. Sometimes, I will continue eating when I get home. I am no closer to understanding why I engage in this behavior.

ANSWER

Hello!

Same coach here from Part 1... Let's do this!

First off, good work, sister! I'm glad the first coaching was helpful. I'll coach on your model first, then give you the next step.

When I look at your unintentional model, I can see why you are feeling like you are "struggling" with snacking. The thoughts you have about snacking are assigning a status of "snacking is bad and snacking should be controlled". This is what we call Diet Mentality thoughts. Unravelling these thoughts and belief is principle #1 of intuitive eating: All eating patterns are neutral. All food are neutral.

Thoughts like:
It's totally unnecessary. (at a deeper level, you don't trust your hunger cues; therefore, you don't trust your body).
I am doing something wrong here. (at a deeper level, you are holding the belief that snacking is wrong; hence you think you are doing something wrong.)
I should be able to resist eating snacks (at a deeper level, this means that you are assigning moral virtue to your ability to "control" your eating).

All of these thoughts and deeper beliefs are why your body is rebelling and leading you to swing your pendulum of eating. As long as you continue to assign moral value to eating or food types, you will continue to have rebellious eating behaviours.

The process of intuitive eating is like shedding years of socialization and internalization to eating and food beliefs.

So my assignment for you is to do another round of self-coaching on C: PM snacking, but this time, get deeper.

What's interesting is the part 1 coaching on this question was not completely acted upon. You probably unconsciously left out the most significant part of the coaching. I want to emphasize unconsciously because your brain is trying to protect you from seeing the "real issue" as a way of keeping you in your current reality. I'm going to paste it again here:

"The first place I want you to focus is understanding WHY you want to stop snacking in the afternoon. Why is snacking in the afternoon a problem to be solved or fixed? What will happen when you "fix" this problem, or what are you trying to avoid by "fixing" this "issue"?

For most women we have coached, the desire to stop eating (even snacking) is the fear of gaining weight and or not losing weight. When that's the motivating factor, it will always trigger more eating. That's what we call psychological restricting driving by internalized fatphobia."

So let's do another round of model with the next layer of deeper thoughts.

I'll wait to see your model and coach you again!

I know I do everything for a reason... is one of the possible reasons I continue to snack at work in the afternoons (after having plenty of food up until that point in the day) or binge at night when I am no longer hungry just because of pure habit?

Where does habitual eating fit into emotional eating... if at all? Does it even matter that I attempt to distinguish between these things?

I am trying to find a way to explore this idea in more depth and need some coaching, please!

ANSWER

Hello…

The first place I want you to focus is understanding WHY you want to stop snacking in the afternoon. Why is snacking in the afternoon a problem to be solved or fixed? What will happen when you “fix” this problem, or what are you trying to avoid by “fixing” this “issue”?

For most women, we have coached the desire to stop eating (even snacking) is the fear of gaining weight and or not losing weight. When that’s the motivating factor, it will always trigger more eating. That’s what we call psychological restricting driving by internalized fatphobia.

The bottom line is this: Snacking in the afternoon is normal and neutral. What makes it “something to be fixed” are your thoughts about it. I’d love to see a self-coaching about this and coach you.

C: Snacking in the pm

The other element I want to work on is compassion. I notice that you are still inside PEACEFUL, which means you literally just started the process of intuitive eating. I see perfectionism showing in the question: Why is it that I haven’t regulated my eating already? The pendulum swing that we teach you in PEACEFUL will last weeks and sometimes months before you stabilize in the middle to an intuitive eater. Be compassionate with yourself… you are trying to revert decades of restriction, dieting and deprivation. Make sure to practice the self-compassion audio from CONFIDENT frequently… especially when you’re trying to “fix” your eating habits.

We will wait for your self-coaching model.

I've spent half of my life studying holistic and functional nutrition. I've finally stopped restricting/dieting, but I feel torn between two worlds. I still believe that eating "clean" or eating in a certain way is the best way toward health; however, I'm eating as if the pendulum is stuck on the far opposite side (eating all the foods that I've labelled "bad" for so long). I don't know how to end this divide.

I'm also struggling because I'm wondering if my yrs of time and money learning about nutrition will ever be of any use to me. One minute I believe everything about holistic nutrition and therapeutic diets, and the next minute I'm devouring a bag of potato chips.

I need help, please! I don't know how to let go of everything I've worked hard for (certifications, costs, beliefs). I feel like I've wasted so much time and energy, and I don't know if or how to move forward.

ANSWER

Hello! This is so good... and I have a lot to say.

First, to answer your question: "Where does nutrition fit in intuitive eating?" It does fit in but at the end of the process. Gentle Nutrition is the last of the 10 principles of Intuitive eating.

If a healthy relationship with food is not in place, it's difficult to truly pursue "healthy eating". If you've been a chronic dieter or, in your case, "restrictor for "health "reason," the best nutrition guidelines can still be embraced like a diet if you haven't first heal how you engage with food. This is why we avoid any conversation about health or Nutrition from principles 1-9.

The process of becoming an intuitive eater will allow you to engage with Nutrition as an ally for your health instead of a dieting weapon. It takes time to get there. In a therapeutic setting, we usually avoid the topic for 6-12 months.

Inside Conquer and Thrive, we have a specific course on Gentle Nutrition and Family Nutrition in Month 6.

Regarding your Pendulum swinging… you will continue to swing until your release food rules and, in your case, food labelling. You clearly admit to maintaining "good and bad" food beliefs (diet mindset), and those are feeling your restriction and response in rebellious eating behaviours.

I'd like you to explore why you are holding to these beliefs. Here are two questions to ask yourself: What am I gaining from upholding this belief system of "good and bad" food? What are you afraid will happen when you let go of these beliefs? Likely there's a big fear leading you to hold on to your belief system that served you all these years of studying Nutrition.

Once you journal all of your thoughts… organize them into a self-coaching model.

C: "Good and Bad food."

Explore how your current thoughts create the swinging of your pendulum. Then you can create an intentional model to change the belief of good and bad food.

The other angle specific to health professionals is what you described in the last part of your question: the anger and resentment towards the industry. It's totally normal you feel this way… it's essential that you feel the anger and be with it. Process it. When you feel ready, you can decide what you will create out of it. What we know is that on the other side, there's a brilliant non-diet practitioner waiting to bloom. Stephanie likes to say, "Everything happens for a reason," which is true for this situation.

Although we do not address the professional aspect in Conquer and Thrive, perhaps listen to podcast #219 and learn the stage of grieving (Stephanie speaks to it in the context of body image ). Still, it's the same stage for grieving anything.

Hope this helps. If not, submit a follow-up question!

Hello,

I'm getting more and more accustomed to depersonalizing my thoughts and feelings. I remember questioning my thoughts and remind myself that "I am not my emotions, I only feel my emotions." But I don't know how to apply this to cravings. When it comes to cravings, I become a slave of them because I don't even remember to stop and think where they are coming from and make a conscious decision about acting on them (eating) or not. It's as if my mind and body are hijacked when it comes to cravings - unlike other thoughts I have.

How to approach this? Is it possible to put cravings somewhere on the self-coaching model and work through them?

Thank you!

ANSWER

This is a great question that is easily answered.

First, know that all the answers are or will be taught to you as your learn Intuitive eating.

The first place to start is the language you use. When I read your question, I see DIET MINDSET peaking its ugly head. The word “craving,” the word “slave” are strong clues. The word “highjacked” is another clue… Lots of diet culture language.

I will use the word urges instead of cravings moving forward as this is a neutral word.

Here’s where I’d suggest you start:
Do you trust your body?
Why is it that you doubt the validity of your body urges?
Why do you desire to control your cravings?

As with any desire to control lies a fear below: What are you afraid will happen if you don’t control your food urges?

Perhaps your lack of awareness of your food urges because you believe they shouldn’t be there in the first place. Why would you want to pay attention to something you believe to be wrong? Faulty?

To unpack food urges using the self-coaching model, you simply put food urges on the C line. Food urges are neutral; what makes them something to avoid, control or “bad” is your thoughts.

C: Food urges

Investigate your thoughts about food urges. See how they create feelings and actions in your life. You will likely find that the thought you have about urges actually creates more urges.

Hope this helps you, sister!

Circumstance: I had a migraine. Medication worked but I had a bad - read unproductive - day. Did no shopping, no energy for cooking or what so ever. So when it was dinner time, I just made some fries. I felt ashamed, weak and guilt.

TD: I have to make dinner and it should be healthy. My husband is going to be disappointed with me. When I don't cook proper, I will get more sick. I'm weak to have a migraine. I have a bad body.
F: ashamed, weak and guilt
A: start thinking about how to control my eating. I denied myself any snack after diner. I numbed myself out with Netflix.
R: I didn't look after myself, no self-care in the moment I needed it.

When I start thinking in the model, I feel like it brings on more thoughts and feelings. It's like I'm able to look further down in me. In this circumstance, I did the model, and then it hit me later that down under there is the thought that I'm not a good person because I have regular periods of migraine and therefore I'm not productive. And that there should always be an explanation for being sick. It goes back to being a good girl (again).

Now I have this question, do you have to go peeling the onion so far down? Then the circumstance is moving a kind of out of the picture.

I hope I make sense and you understand my question. (and excuses if I made spelling mistakes)

 
ANSWER 

 
Hello!

So to quickly answer your question: Yes, it's like peeling an onion... what first starts as a mundane issue when worked through properly in the self-coaching model, quickly becomes about our core beliefs. If you go back to Lesson 2 of the Self-coaching course, you can see how our beliefs create all of our thoughts.

So if you have a belief that you need to be a good girl, now as an adult "good wife," and that based on your upbringing, a "good wife" means THIS and THAT when you do not meet THIS and THAT you will have critical thoughts.

The goal of self-coaching is to bring awareness to these core beliefs and decide if they are still serving us today.

Now, I'd like to coach you on your model itself.

The C is not neutral and has many T in it. I think this is what your C and TD could look like when neutralized:

Circumstance: I had a migraine.

TD: I have to make dinner and it should be healthy.
My husband is going to be disappointed in me.
When I don't cook proper, I will get more sick.
I'm weak to have a migraine.
I have a bad body.
I had a bad - read unproductive - day.
I did not go shopping.
I have no energy for cooking or whatsoever.
I just made some fries (there a T about making "just fries" maybe "I should have been able to do a full meal??")

Then you need to unpack the main 3 T to identify which one caused shame, weak and guilt. 1 T for 1 F for 1 R

Then you'll be able to truly identify all the R you are creating in the C: migraine.

As you are progressing through the detailling of each T as you see the A's and the R, the core beliefs will become evident.

So stop back and detail out each T and then resubmit!

Great work, sister!